Fate x autoRAIN
by Deux Silences
Summary: The cycle of birth and death is broken by a sudden nuclear apocalypse and the contaminated living dead which begin feasting on survivors. Seven from Japan, cornered in a city known as Fuyuki, learn that whosoever outlives the others will receive a wish. Familiars summoned via corrupted magic mark them as prey, though clueless Atosaki Kurokawa somehow reaches the heart of one. [AU]
1. I - Preface to Madness

I was once Atosaki Kurokawa; unable to remember, unable to forget.

There were no words in places like these, where brackish dew beaded on dying eyes, their heedless ennui of despair a miasma in its purest and most potent form. We traipsed in the faltering steps of humankind, luckless enough to have survived what should have been the end. Those distorted, interminable memories coalesced into truth, but only in the landscape of our febrile minds.

White darkness and white noise now enrobed the void space where life once abounded. Little remained of this ostentatious reality misconstrued as paradise. With indigestible hulls mauling its belly, an entire nation sank into the blurred oceans. Those who lasted did so only by design; a handful outlived the rest. They sought solace in a small city known as Fuyuki. We thought we were safe.

I'd never forget how the sky burned with innocent blood and a crimson rainbow. Massive heaps of scorched, twisted bodies lay amongst buildings reduced to ashes. Roads came to an end. Fire razed everything in its path. I lost my parents, my friends, anything else I held dear. This had to be a nightmare. But no, it was Hell on Earth.

Darkened under the shades of night, the corpses began resuming and recomposing, even in a changed form; they came alive again. We witnessed through a window of madness atrocities that even language could not comprehend. They feasted on us more and more until only seven remained, all divided, all hope lost. Those pinions which stood for freedom were rent asunder, and not even when we begged for mercy could we clip them.

A void was forming in our chests, whether we were aware of its conception or not, unknown. It began to rip open at the edges, inexorably, like seams coming undone under pressure. And we were so friable. Every night I lost my mind, and every morning it slowly came back. How I managed to stay alive was beyond me.

The wreck we called our government relayed a single message: "Kill them or be killed." They left us alone in the dying world without any salvation in sight. We were to fight in this crucible of the dead for nothing but our lives.

Somehow, I wanted them to know my name. It was that girl—that "me"—born from perdition and sanctified in fire who had the temerity to defy her death, today, again. All I acknowledged was the retention of my sanity; of the others I could merely dream.

As the infernal sun blazed above, I swore then upon my sole appellation that I would survive. Only one question remained: for what reason? With no answer, I cried on the passing days, legs aching as I ran and ran and ran...

In this loose and unstable world I breathed, unable to take a step forward. The twilight shone on the other side, but with my back dyed red I did not think I would make it to see another sunrise or feel that sadness before dawn. When the long night ended, what would I be? Only a small promise made in the dark kept me awake.

Time approached as I traveled to the other side, an oath burning on my lips.

"Live."

I was once Atosaki Kurokawa; unable to remember, unable to forget. I would never be as I was before. That girl, whoever she may have been, no longer existed. Things were falling apart right before my eyes. My body had not a chance to rest, and for my suffering the evening sorrowed as the heavens cried. The earth puckered with layers of ash lay still, but above me the sky swam.

There was no reason to keep running. I wanted to sleep, but to sleep was to die. A sense of frustration marauded in my head, anger waxing, flowering outward in spiral profusions. It ended. It grew deeper. I drowned in a sunless sea.

The weather worsened and with it the flames diminished. I could taste salt at the corner of my mouth, but I didn't bother to wipe away the tears. Behind a cage of rib bones paced my heart, pounding incessantly, the sound like a second set of footsteps.

It hurt. Everything hurt. I tasted something coppery and sickening. My knees balked and buckled with each step until I finally stumbled, my hands scrabbling at air and then asphalt. I lay there a moment, staring into a puddle of rainwater at the girl reflected there.

Her hair was black and stringy, lopped off messily in front, long at the back. A threadbare summer dress hung from a small, emaciated and bloodied body, just barely preserving its owner's modesty. Everything about her was faded, from her lightly bronzed skin to those eyes gazing back expectantly into mine. Surely they held some secret to a contented life in their brown irises. I wanted to know when this would end. She could not tell me.

I tensed as a hollow, spine-chilling howl resounded from the darkness. _They_ were on the move again, and from what I knew, their speed and vitality increased exponentially when hungry. If I'd known then what I know now, perhaps I would not have become separated from the other six survivors. And now, I could not go on.

Or, perhaps it wasn't that I could not, it was that I refused to. I was tired. I wanted to sleep. Why would I want to live in a world like this? I had no answer to that. But I was scared as well, scared of dying, and those trapped in a corner were the ones who fought back the hardest.

Slowly the rain shifted into an unhappy drizzle, soft against my face, washing away the blood and death that clung to me like a thin, sticky film.

It felt warm and peaceful. Perhaps dying would be like falling into a dreamless sleep. I kept to that notion and closed my eyes, tying myself tightly to Death. I did not care. I did not have the energy to care. The last thing I remembered was the sound of my tapered breathing, in and out, hold and release. And then nothing.

With a shocking suddenness I rose again to consciousness, although it was a hazy, blurred sort of state, like a lucid dream. My surroundings rambled about, both liquid and solid at the same time, moving like a mist over unknown waters. I must have died from exhaustion. Either that or the zombies got me. What a shame, I thought, that I never woke up to keep on fighting.

With that note the image hardened, all at once crystallizing into the scene of a vacant neighborhood. My heart twisted into a knot as I realized that this was my home before the apocalypse. The details, foggy as they seemed, were all there. Even that streetlight with a flickering bulb. I wanted to cry, but nothing established itself in my eyes. I simply felt numb.

Someone's warm hand touched upon my shoulder, and I turned without looking, sobbing uncontrollably, until I was nearly suffocating in the soft folds of their clothing. They patted me on the back, whispering words inaudible.

I raised my head to meet their eyes, but no one was there.

"Who—?"

I found myself looking down. A spear protruded from my chest, where the heart was, shining red with the fresh bloodstain of murder. The zombies were upon me, clawing at my legs, and it was all too real. Their thin, mottled skin stretched over skulls in which were set eyes like artesian wells: black hollows of madness. They stared into my soul, freezing me as my lifeblood drained into those gaping mouths…

I screamed and jolted upright, suddenly cracking heads with someone looming over me.

"Hey, watch it!"

A girl with dark, wavy hair and crimson clothing stared at me with the hauteur of one expecting some expression of penitence. Her aqua blue eyes shone like a flame's heart, vivid and full of life, so unlike mine which were dull and dying. She had to have been my age, if not younger, yet she appeared unscathed, save the ripped tights and slight dishevelment.

"S-sorry," I stuttered, rubbing my forehead and leaning away from her. "I didn't… mean to…"

"You mean nothing and everything," she said in complete seriousness, arms folded. "What is your name?"

"Err… Atosaki."

"So Atosaki is one of them," mumbled the girl. "Me too, by the way. I'm Rin. Rin Tohsaka."

"Nice to meet you." I smiled nervously. Though my heart utterly sang to see a live human being, she seemed to vacillate between calculating and friendly personae. It seemed odd to me.

"Just 'nice?' I saved you back there, I'll have you know. If it weren't for me, you'd be food for the undead."

"…So that's it… I mean, thank you."

"You're welcome. I expect you would do the same for a fellow survivor."

"Yes," I said firmly.

"Well, I suppose you pass the trust test. For now, anyway." Rin handed me a golden goblet filled to the brim with a clear liquid.

"Water," I gasped before grabbing at the cup's stem and draining its contents.

"You're a master of deduction, aren't you?"

I wiped at my mouth with the back of one hand and nodded. "Where are we?"

"A church. You better enjoy that holy rain water; there's barely any left."

Dim moonlight filtered into the prayer hall through cracked stained glass windows. Aside from the smashed pews and doorways with no doors, everything seemed to be in fairly good shape in comparison to what the world outside.

"How have they not gotten in?" I asked, sucking down a second drink of water. "You know, those mutated bodies."

"I don't know," replied Rin. "They just don't."

"Why haven't the others stayed here?"

"They might be dead."

"…Oh."

I stared vacantly ahead for one painfully protracted moment before noticing something glimmer behind the altar.

"Rin, over there. What is that?"

I struggled to stand, finally gaining enough balance to propel myself forward. I landed on hands and knees, finding nothing solid in my grasp. A strange red glow emanated from beneath me, and suddenly a voice boomed throughout the church.

"Welcome, Masters Numbers Two and Three. If you are hearing this message, it means that I have passed into the hands of our Father. Do not despair. I bring good tidings, though you may not like to hear what I have to say."

A man seemed to be talking over a loudspeaker, but there was no electricity and no equipment in sight. I imagined him to be a priest wearing a somber cassock, although his tone seemed somehow too scornful.

"What did you do?" asked a very pale Rin.

"Nothing! I don't know! And what's wrong with you?"

"I—"

"The world has fallen into ruin. There will be no survivors… except one. Whosoever outlasts the others among you seven will have the chance to wish upon the Holy Grail."

A great crash could be heard in the background, accompanied by a spate of white noise.

"There's not much time left. Things are different this time. The rules of this War were corrupted. Black magic flows through every vessel available, including the Servants. There is no Supervisor, no Command Seals until they are earned, if that is even possible. The Grail has predetermined and summoned your Servants for you, so be prepared to face them at any given moment—"

The voice spoke faster with every passing second, until I could hardly understand the message being conveyed. It made no sense to me. I turned to Rin for some explanation, only to find her trembling and withdrawn.

"This isn't good," she whispered. "We should go, Atosaki. It's not safe here."

"Not safe? But the zombies…"

"It's not them you should be afraid of."

"Shouldn't we be listening to the priest?"

"—the First Empirical Holy Grail War. Farewell and good luck."

Rin muttered some very colorful language beneath her breath, cursing fate or something of that matter.

"Rin… What did he mean by Holy Grail? And a wish? Servants… magic… and the war. I don't understand. It sounds like an interesting story for a manga, but not for my life."

She regarded me with sympathetic eyes. "You really don't know, do you? You've only survived this long because you're a Master. I mean, you're a participant in this battle for some reason or another. I always knew this day would come, but not like this. He spoke about corruption, didn't he?"

"I still don't get it," I said, sounding dumb even to myself. Regardless of my awareness or lack thereof, I simply needed to accept the facts. We were already so deeply embroiled in this disaster that escape would be simply unthinkable. I sighed, resigned to the situation.

"If only one person can make this so-called wish, does that mean we're enemies?"

Rin lowered her eyes. "Well, technically speaking, we—oh my God."

"We owe your God? Priestly much?"

She only pointed with one slightly trembling finger.

To the thing behind me.

What felt like an iron fist closed around my waist and lifted me from the ground. I was afraid to look at what had me in its grasp. My ribs felt like they were cracking under the pressure.

"Rin," I said as calmly as possible, "could you please tell me the identity of what has me in its great clutches?"

"Werewolf," she cried, firing a hazy black orb from her forefinger like a bullet.

It subsequently struck the enemy, evidenced by its howl of pain and me being dropped on the floor like a ragdoll.

I rolled onto my back, staring into the maw of the beast. Ultramarine fur bristled on its heavily muscled and armored body as it sat back on its haunches, growling in my direction despite wearing a strange metal visor over unseeing eyes.

Blood dripped from the claws of one of its large, almost hand-like front paws, and I grimaced, hands wrapped around my sides. I drew up my right hand, finding it covered in liquid red.

"R-Rin, help…" Tears formed in my eyes. I could barely see her anymore.

With a terrifying roar, the werewolf dove toward where I lay, grabbing me roughly, albeit painlessly, in its jaws and swatting Rin away before escaping the church's confines.

I felt myself fading out, my head bouncing with every bound. I would either die of blood loss or consumption by werewolf, and I didn't know which one was worse. Reasoning no longer existing. At least I wasn't in too much pain. It would've been fun to ride on him, if only I weren't being carried around like a battered chew toy.

The werewolf's saliva soaked my body, though it was odorless and warm enough to be slightly comforting. I wouldn't win the Empirical Grail War or whatever; Rin was the one with magic, not me. This wolf here would probably eat me anyway. I closed my eyes, my limbs fell limp, and my consciousness floated away like a paper boat taken by the current.


	2. II - Wake-Up Call

Something shuffled near me, but I did not dare open my eyes. I was half-dead and probably looked it too. A cool breeze made its way onto shore, smelling of salt and the sea. I heard the soft, liquid sounds of lapping wavelets. Perhaps I could play the proverbial possum in hopes of being left in peace.

And then whatever it was poked at my arm. I reeled away in a blind panic before crying out, unable to breathe. Blood flowed from the punctures in my sides and pooled where I lay. A few rib bones felt broken.

That was when all those abiding memories swept through my mind like a brushfire. Was Rin okay? How come I didn't get eaten? And the werewolf…

I narrowed my eyes, peering at the faint bronze tints of dawn behind a young man who stared down at me in return. A shallow breath burst out of my lungs.

Naturally the first thing I noticed was the face. At first I thought he was smiling, but no, the bloody gashes extending from his mouth to the cheeks made it look that way. I traced the cuts to his ears, from which hung dangling silver jewelry, and then saw the black, intricately carved shade which concealed his eyes.

It had to be him, the werewolf. He wore a black full bodysuit, matching shoulder armor, and a blue and white fur mantle draped over one shoulder, the same color as the monster. Even his hair was a striking azure hue, swept back and tied in a long tail that ended with crimson tips.

A red spear seemingly materialized in the man's right hand, and he positioned the point at my throat.

"W-whoa," I rasped. "Hold on. Let's… talk it out. It's okay, calm down."

For a moment he only stared at me, though I could not find his gaze.

I slowly put my hands up, palms outward. "It's okay."

And then slowly he withdrew the weapon, completely expressionless. The corners of my mouth trembled as they lifted. He regarded me with a clinical air and then collapsed forward onto the dock.

After a bit of struggle I managed to sit up and drag myself to where he fell. Against the sun's faint light his entire backside appeared to be covered with oil. Upon closer inspection I realized that he was gradually bleeding out from a massive stab wound dead-center between his shoulders and hips. I didn't know what else to do but gasp.

"Oh, no, this looks bad," I started to say, without thought. I reached out to him, but he began snarling at the sudden movement. I clicked my tongue. "I can't help you if you don't let me."

His form relaxed a fraction, and I took this as permission to act. When I somewhat loudly tore a shred of cloth from my tattered white sundress he growled again.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm just going to try to stop the bleeding. It might hurt just a bit, so…"

Just as I pressed the rag to his wound, he let out a bloodcurdling cry, raised himself up and sunk his teeth into my forearm. I cringed, trembling, trying not to react out of instinct.

"I'm sorry. I know you're in pain. I am too. But I'm not going to bring further harm to you. Please trust me."

Gently I cupped his cheek with my hand, cautious of the lacerations there. He proceeded to release his jaw and rested his head against me. Although human in form, he seemed more like a canine than a man. And, with that, he reminded me of the dog belonging to my old neighbors from across the street. I had to smile at the thought.

He suddenly nuzzled against my shoulder, startling me from my contemplation. I stared down at his face—his wounds were gone. I checked his back, and sure enough the large gash had disappeared in its entirety. I couldn't believe it. He was completely healed.

"How… What did I do?"

Even my own pain rapidly faded from existence as the bones mended themselves of their own volition. The sensation of relief was soon replaced by an iron-hot burning on the back of my left hand. Upon checking the skin I found a strange red sigil shaped like a hemisphere branded there. Somehow it clicked in my head that this was a Command Seal mentioned by the priest.

"Does this make you my Servant?"

The man inclined his head slightly, still lying against my shoulder.

"What do I call you? What's your name?"

His head shook from side to side.

"Err… maybe Blue? Wolf? Um…" I laid eyes upon the weapon at his side. "Fancy Pointy Stick Dude? Nah, kidding. How about… Lance."

For the first time he smiled a genuine smile.

I sighed, grinned back, and ran a hand over the rough texture of Lance's hair. It was amazing how docile he appeared in comparison to his maddened, animalistic nature from before. I only prayed that Lance would not revert upon returning to wolf form.

He was looking up at me, probably wondering why I had gone so quiet. I myself began to wonder why his eyes had to be hidden that way. I reached for the visor that concealed them, and in that instant the sound of a male scream filled my ears.

Lance perked up, disconcerted, as I pulled away and stared back toward Fuyuki's streets.

"You heard that too."

He confirmed it. I chewed my lip anxiously.

"It must be another survivor… Master, whatever. We should go." I stopped. "…I've… been through so much, you know. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just swim to a deserted island, far from here? It's selfish, though. The Grail War might—no, _would_—never finish that way."

I stood up with trembling legs, and Lance was forced to catch me on my first step. I was so surprised that, despite my physical frailty, I had survived this long. Now there was someone who could fight by my side. If only I didn't question his volatility.

Lance helped me regain my balance with one free hand, his spear taken in the other. He looked at me curiously, I being unable to quite meet his scrutiny, and nudged at me gently.

I turned to him with a single nod.

He nodded back.


	3. III - Build and Break

Both Lance and I arrived to a scene of the most unspeakable and gruesome death. It smelled like blood, reeked of despair. The early morning sun cast a sullen glow over the park where children much like the victim once played.

A teenage boy lay face-down on the sward dyed incarnadine, arms outstretched, reaching for a savior that never came. The instrument of murder was a dagger attached to a long chain, having killed him upon entering his lower back and exiting out the belly. There didn't appear to be much of a struggle aside from him making an abortive attempt at fleeing. I took a step toward his body, but Lance prevented me from proceeding.

"What's wrong?" I asked hesitantly, then finding the knife's owner at the other end of the chain.  
It was a woman wearing a tattered black dress with matching arm wear and leggings. An eyeshade with a spherical jewel in its center covered the upper portion of her face, framed with long hair vying with the color of cherry blossoms.

"Who is she...?"

Without a moment's notice she jerked her weapon free of the boy's lifeless corpse and watched sightlessly as it flew into her hand. I barely had time to blink before she loomed mere feet away, dagger flying downward toward my chest.

I screamed in harmony with the shriek of metal on metal.

Lance had darted in front of me and deflected the blow.

The strange woman leapt backward and upon landing she appeared to blur, becoming almost transparent. I came to the realization that she was actually fading, bits of her body flaking off in dense masses.

"Let's get away," I started saying, but Lance was already going in the opposite direction. The enemy didn't seem to be slowed in the slightest. They clashed violently, the woman with her steely blade and Lance with his scarlet spear.

In one instant the woman feinted left and then struck downward, the blade slicing across Lance's thigh with a spray of bright crimson.

"Be careful!" I cried helplessly.

He backed up and turned to me. Kneeling down, I gently pressed a forefinger to the injury. Energy coursed through my body and exited out my fingertip, sealing Lance's wound, not another drop of blood spilled.

A wave of dizziness descended upon me, punitive as some heaven-sent curse. I felt like I was going to pass out again, and the next moment I doubled over with a dry retch, there being nothing in my stomach to regurgitate but raw air.

Lance patted my back, his mouth twisted in concern. Behind him the woman was preparing to charge a second time.

"Don't worry about me," I ground out between clenched teeth.

Lance might have said something, he might not have, but while his lips moved, a young lady's shrill voice filled my ears.

"Atosaki, you stupid girl!"

A small cabochon ruby flew overhead and into the face of the rose-haired woman, exploding with enough force to throw her across the park. A flurry of energy generated by yet another explosion sent Lance reeling away from my side.

"Lance!" I cried out as the red-clad Rin Tohsaka rushed toward me, another gemstone in hand.

"Damn, two Alter Servants at once. Not good."

"What do you mean, 'Alter?' And why are you attacking Lance?!"

She gawked at me with a look of almost laughable incredulity plastered on her lineaments.

"Lance? Don't make me laugh. Stick to the facts." Her gaze shifted a moment to the smoking, incapacitated female Servant.

"But he's my…"

I looked to where he'd fallen, only to find him rushing at Rin with his spear driven outward—I glimpsed the primal fervor in his face. My body moved instinctively in front of Rin, arms spread at full length, until I assumed a near perfect picture of prohibition.

"Lance, don't!"

He skidded to a stop, his weapon's trenchant spearhead remaining poised uncertainly just a hair's breadth from my palpitating heart.

"It's okay, remember?" I said, willing my voice to be like the susurration of leaves and the lull of a sleeping sea. "Rin is a friend. Please be nice to her."

Lance shrunk back, head hanging apologetically. Rin's mouth hung agape as she slung an arm over my shoulder and hustled me along.

"Never mind me… I think… that the Servant killed her Master. Without an, um, anchor to our world… she'll disappear."

Lance trailed behind the two of us, glaring at Rin all the while. I cleared my throat just as a shriek pierced the air, the opposing Servant struggling to her feet and almost emanating willpower in a physical form. It took a moment for me to noticed she really was glowing.

"Shit, she's using a Noble Phantasm!" Rin shoved me in the back, hard. "Run."

"Eh?!"

"This is bad. She's fast too… Could be…" Her eyes widened as wings emerged from the radiating light. "A Rider. She's a Rider."

My Servant snarled, readying his spear, clearly defiant until the end. Something told me he would struggle to win this fight.

"Lance!" Rin dragged me farther away from him. "I can't… lose you too…"

He charged. She lunged.

The two were like colliding bullets, their movements faster than what my eyes could detect, forcing their way to the other's heart until one of them faltered.

And then they stood stock-still.

Lance's spear was embedded up to the handle in the Rider's chest. Blood spat from her mouth as she crumpled, sliding down to where Lance gripped his weapon. I blinked once, and she had disappeared without a trace.

"No way," I heard Rin gasp beside me.

At her words Lance faltered and fell down on one knee.

"Lance?" I rushed to him, seeking some sign of stability.

"He's just drained," Rin explained shakily. "Give him a sec to recover."

I faced in the direction of the dead boy, and she followed my gaze.

"That must have been Rider's Master. Now? Food for the zombies."

"We can't just leave him!"

No matter my argument, I found Rin's previous statement irrefutable. Already the fetid breath of the undead permeated the atmosphere.

"If we bring him along," she said, "he'll attract them in hordes. We have to go."

I refrained from saying more despite the thousands of accusations that begged to be loosed from my tongue. Lance got slowly to his feet, lagging behind me and Rin. I left her side and hooked his arm in the crook of my elbow.

"You did great," I said quietly, trying not to let the words shake. I couldn't believe that, already, one Master and one Servant were gone. It happened so fast that I barely had time to register anything.

He whimpered at intervals, resting his chin on the crown of my head. Perhaps he sensed my unease.

Without warning Rin darted from the avenue we walked and into a rather shady-looking alleyway, peeking her head back out with the signal to come.

As Lance and I came over, she stopped us, waving her hands in the air, and pointed only at me. I shrugged my shoulders and motioned for Lance to stay.

I found her there with a wide stance and folded arms.

"Just how is that Lancer listening to you?"

"What? Lance?"

"Call him what you want, but he's clearly been corrupted, just like the rest of them. That's what I meant when I said 'Alter Servant.' Think about the church message. That magus said there's dark magic at work, and it will seek out every last outlet until everything's gone pitch-black."

"But…"

"Do you understand? You saw Rider back there. She _killed _her Master. No self-preserving Servant in their right mind would do that. That's why she faded the way she did. And your precious Lance is no different. If we're going to survive, we should get rid of him."

My eyebrows furrowed. "N-no way! I'll have none of that. Lance is willing to listen, and he even protected me!"

"Who's to say that he won't kill us in our sleep? You know how dangerous he is. He nearly broke your bones back at the church!"

"That's because you attacked him first," I countered. "Besides…"

I lifted my left hand, showing her the semicircle imprinted on its dorsum.

"You... got a Command Spell." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Right. At the moment he's a valuable asset, if nothing else. There are five other Servants that might be out to kill us. We need him. If you don't like the idea, then maybe you can find another Master to partner with."

We both struggled with the resulting pause.

Rin shifted uncomfortably. "The… zombies don't seem to like daylight much, so I guess… we should move now."

"I'll scout ahead." I sped past her, ashamed of the things I'd said but too proud to show it, before finding Lance holding something small, a patch of dug-up earth on the scorched roadside grass behind him.

"What's this?"

Gently he took my hand, positioning it palm-up, and placed an acorn in the center.

A smile, natural and unforced, crept its way onto my lips. The little nut still had the cupule attached to its base. I wondered how on earth it survived.

"It's absolutely perfect," I enthused. Then a question slipped out: "Can I have it?"

He nodded without much rumination.

"Thank you." My fist closed around the gift that Lance gave me. I trusted him, and for the time it was all that mattered.

I tucked the acorn into the pocket of my raggedy outfit and faced whatever lay ahead, only a so-called Alter Servant standing by me, a reluctant ally waiting in the wings.

That would have to suffice for now.


	4. IV - The People You Leave Behind

_T/W: Just a note, if you are especially sensitive to graphic macabre descriptions, please skip the paragraph separated by horizontal lines. (I only say this because I felt sick writing it. OTL) Thank you._

* * *

I never chose to cast off everything, but I had already entered an evil bargain in which we bartered the lives of our dearest, thereafter amassing near absolute freedom from fear. Only death's unspoken edict held us back.

Those ersatz emotions I piled up deep inside eventually became the past, though it was defiled beyond recognition by grief and sorrow. I instilled myself with a loveless deception that stoppered my ability to see into the world. Through blighted eyes I carved this path through a vale of tears.

Saline water dampened the linoleum flooring. Lance leaned down so as to more carefully peruse my face, but I did everything I could to hide it from him. I ran a sleeve over any remaining wetness and thought about how his bodysuit glowed light blue in the dark, forcing a smile out of me.

"Don't worry, Lance. I'm fine, just… hungry. I want to find food."

Lies. All lies. They poured out in droves.

Lance's gaze shadowed me whilst I navigated the unlit hallway of a once hermetically sealed apartment. My hand found a wall, on contact causing its paint to crack and flake. It would appear that this entire complex had been abandoned for months, perhaps during peacetime.

We rounded a corner and came upon a cramped living area, sparsely furnished with a boxy television and a two-seater sofa upholstered in chintz. Something smelled of garlic, rotten eggs and putrefied meat, so I surmised we were nearing the kitchen. I heard a low rumble come from Lance's throat, and then I saw why.

* * *

A pair of corpses sat slumped on the couch. The way their bodies were swollen and mottled, decomposing flesh hung from exposed bone made them appear to be melting. Fluid oozing from the nose and mouth soaked the loveseat cushions and the frayed clothing they wore when had perished. From what I discerned, one was a man and the other a woman. Even in death, their shriveled hands overlapped one another, nails detached, skin blistered and greenish. Strands of hair heaped up around them. They grinned with ghastly leers, like a rictus of crying without tears, the tongues lolling out like some bizarre, pink corn husk. No one ever said death was pretty, and I was quite unpleasantly reminded of that fact.

* * *

An unnaturally cold stone dropped into my stomach, and I ripped myself away from the room, unable to stand the sight. I ran outside and collapsed in a heap, tasting fresh air and feeling the sun's touch. I hated this. Everyone in Fuyuki was either dead or undead save for six Masters, maybe less. No one here granted any of us clemency. We only wrought that upon ourselves.

To make matters worse, Rin just happened to stumble upon me in yet again my weakest state.

"Ato… saki?" she murmured, leaning down and placing a hand on one of my quivering shoulders. "Are you okay? Where's Lancer?"

"N-no," I managed to say, hiding from her like an ostrich burying its head in the sand.

"You're so pale. Did something happen to him?"

Right on cue Lance exited the apartment, a plastic shopping bag in hand, and noticed me on the ground. He came closer, waving something near my face. I looked up and he gave me a rectangular box, red in color, on the front a depiction of long biscuit sticks covered with chocolate.

I wanted to cry. This had been my favorite snack before the end of the world. I remembered that not long ago my father used to buy a pack for me every Friday when we went shopping. He'd smile with those creased wrinkles around his dark brown eyes; mom would come over with a reproach about how unhealthy I ate. Her hair was always done up with hairspray that, when applied, stank up our whole house.

And I had become a nineteen-year-old orphan, if I even qualified to be called that at all. I lost them. It was just like the saying: "You don't know what you've got until it's gone."

I sobbed into the sweet-smelling package. I hated how I wasn't strong like Rin and Lance. I never saw them as anything but staid, and here I was bawling like a spoiled child who couldn't have her way. At least they hid their secrets deep down, ten, twenty feet under until their cries went silent. It was an assumption, but it seemed better to be numb inside than to feel the deep ache every waking moment. There may as well have been a knife in my heart, bleeding it out slowly, which no one was able to see.

A strange scratching noise interrupted my outburst. Rin hauled me up by an arm and turned frantically to the only stairwell leading from the second floor to the lower. Already those infected bodies were crawling inexorably toward us, tooth and nail grating the steps.

Rin nearly screamed, launching a ball of energy into their sunken, rotting faces, knocking some back, a new horde replacing them as soon as they fell.

"There's too many of them!" she panted, clearly slowed by exhaustion and starvation.

"I don't know what else to do," was all I could say. At first I thought to throw the bodies from the apartment at them, which probably drew them here, but now they seemed to be more interested in living flesh than dead. Lance stepped in front of me, hands full with the bag of food and his spear.

"Please," I said to him, "protect us."

With those words, burdened with meaning but so weightless, Lance's madder red weapon returned to the ether and he swept me up bridal-style, one arm under my legs and the other supporting my back. He mounted the balcony railing, staring down at the long fall from here to the ground. I knew what he intended to do and, despite my qualms, did not try to stop him.

"Rin, get on," I called out.

"W-what? Are you serious?"

"Yes, so hurry!"

"Fine, fine!" She took a running start and threw herself onto Lance's back, in the process giving a tug at his long cerulean hair. I heard him grumble, but he understood the gravity of the situation well enough to make no further complaint.

Then he jumped. I tried not to scream as the ground rushed toward us. Limber like a cat he landed on both feet, from there breaking into a brisk sprint.

Rin tugged on his ponytail. "Hey, dog boy, keep running straight 'til you hit a four-way intersection, then turn left."

He snapped at her with teeth bared, and she clonked him on the head. I realized a bit too late it was a bad idea having them in close proximity.

"Stop it, you two!" I said, exasperated. Lance and Rin glared at each other once more before looking away. At least they shared an understanding that fighting would only get them upbraided.

"I was only trying to help," said Rin, eyeing the packet of stick biscuits I had opened.

"Right." I stuck one in my mouth and handed her a second. "Now, where are we going?"

"To school."

Maybe she had gone insane.

"No, really, you'll see." But surely she read my thoughts.

I nibbled on my snack's chocolate coating with not another word, in the silence suddenly and painfully aware of Lance's warm, strong arms around me. A blush ascended to my cheeks in a fitful tide of progression, growing redder the harder I endeavored to spurn its advances.

"L-Lance, you can… put me down…"

Rin gave me the most infuriatingly impish grin over his shoulder. "Hey, he's faster than both of us. Just enjoy the ride, and try not to turn into a tomato."

"Rin!"

"Kidding."

With the biscuit stick hanging out of my mouth I acted in the most nonchalant way possible, only completely losing my cool when Lance lifted me closer to his face and bit the other end. My fist nearly hit him across the face.

"I'm not playing that game with you!" I grabbed a handful of the sticks and shoved them into his mouth.

"He doesn't need to eat that," remarked Rin offhandedly.

"So what?"

I gave a little laugh of vexation, which soon turned into true mirth. When the pain resurfaced I would summon happy memories like these, strange as they were, to counterbalance those dark, lonely thoughts that occupied far too much space in my head. Their words gave me strength, and for now Lance and Rin were like family.

I tried not to think too hard about the War's end.

Lance gagged slightly on biscuit crumbs as he turned where Rin had directed him. On one side of the road rose a complex of stately, geometric buildings with white walls that glistened in the steadily rising heat. We stopped at the front gates.

At the same time I clambered out of Lance's arms, Rin began to speak. "Welcome to Tsukumihara Academy, your final destination."

* * *

Welp, slight mood whiplash and some Fate/EXTRA themes going on at the end. This totally doesn't foreshadow something important. Anyhoo, many thanks to **The Fox Knight** for your comment! It made me laugh~

And thank you all so much for 250 views and 100+ visitors! It makes me really, _really_ happy to know at least someone is reading my story!


	5. V - Lives Laid Waste

His face was a reliquary of things unsaid, mature beyond years, the features angular and handsome, with a defined jawline that spoke of nobility. I longed to see those eyes hidden behind the mask, curtained by fronds of wayward blue hair, but he eluded my questions about it time and time again.

For a moment we merely sat together quietly, me and Lance, facing each other in our chairs. Set on one desk were a few leftovers from Tsukumihara Academy's cafeteria. He was studying my movements, from when I sipped water to the gesture of a hand when lifting utensils, sometimes doing fairly accurate imitations. With every bite of stale potato chip a resounding crunch echoed throughout the bright classroom. Lance didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes I just wanted to hug him for being so loyal, reliable and hardworking, sometimes because he seemed so lost, like his mind wasn't all there. It was as Rin said: the Servants summoned by the Holy Grail were tainted by the dark magic which coursed through every track on light engraved on these parched lands. I wondered how long he would remain this way, how I liked him best. Such a childish notion, I knew, but he was my absolute protector, me being the weakest link out of our dysfunctional trio.

Truly, though, I wanted to give back to him everything he did for my sake, yet I had nothing in my possession to speak of. He acted selflessly, like a real paragon of virtue. I would not have been wearing a nice denim dress and leggings had he not hacked open a locker in the girls' changing room. Despite the clothing being baggy on my already boyish frame, I was thankful beyond belief to discard the rags that barely covered me in favor of an outfit actually intact. The acorn Lance had gifted me had been transferred with my changed clothes.

I speared a slice of canned peach floating around in syrup, then chewing it thoughtfully. I got to thinking about how, before she left to set up defense barriers, Rin told me that Servants were basically incarnations of Heroic Spirits from the past. It was somehow startling to know that even Lance had been someone who lived an entire life once before.

"Who were you?" I found myself asking, although Lance stared at me blankly, either because he couldn't speak or because he couldn't remember.

With a sigh, I sat back, unable to do anything but sit with my hand folded in my lap and a fretful state of mind.

"I wish I could be more useful. Even what I can do, I can't do right," I sighed, remembering that dizzy spell from the last time I healed Lance.

He stood abruptly and made a brisk exit from the classroom. I'd probably peeved him with my whining; that didn't make me feel any better. For the time being I could only wait until Rin finished fortifying our base and Lance came back from wherever he went.

The nearly pristine walls were bathed in a luminous saffron hue, like the tip of its namesake's dried stigma. Rin had explained how Tsukumihara used to be a covert school for mages, half explaining why it looked so well-preserved. I couldn't figure out, however, why the students failed to survive. It might have been the dark magic at play acting as an agent of selection.

I rationed our food and ate a bit more to regain strength. After days of nothing but hunger gnawing at my stomach, having something actually fill me up was a vast luxury I no longer took for granted.

After spending some time grounding myself and mentally scanning my body per what Rin had instructed me to do, Lance finally returned. In his arms was a black school bag, probably abandoned by some student during evacuation. He dropped it on my desk, waiting until I opened it.

I discovered within a multitude of chunky stones with engraved symbols, some more complex than others despite being formed only with straight lines. When I looked to Lance for an explanation, he pointed to them and traced something in the air with his finger.

So I chose a random pictogram, which resembled a letter "F" from the Latin alphabet, from one rock and drew it invisibly. I heard a slight fizzling noise—at least I thought I did.

"I feel… underwhelmed. I appreciate your intentions, though."

Lance patted my back, as if out of sympathy.

"I'll try to learn," I proclaimed boldly. "Thanks for your help. You did pretty well with these runes."

Soon, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the sun struck low, changing from glowing white to rutilant amber. The pastel sunset bequeathed upon us gossamer robes of gold and purple, and soon Lance and I found ourselves staring out at the tranquility of it all.

"…Rin's not back yet," I said, breaking the silence. "We should look for her."

Lance agreed with me, and so we scoured Tsukumihara Academy for Rin. Outside, I began to sense a curious energy the closer I came to the school's boundaries, and I supposed this was the Bounded Field Rin said she would set up.

"Strange. A defense barrier but no Rin. I wonder where she went…"

Without any notice Lance drew his spear and traced what looked like a "B" into a large piece of granite resting on the ground. I didn't quite understand what he'd just done, but when he began to follow a trail unseen by me I went too.

We left the school grounds, arriving shortly at the same intersection which led us to Tsukumihara. Lance sniffed before he took off again, this time straight along the main boulevard. I started to tire simply trying to keep pace with him. The black full bodysuit he wore offered nothing to grab ahold of—(well, it did, but I would not deign to do that)—forcing me to take his hand in mine and sprint alongside him. He was in perfect shape, like an Olympic runner, while I was basically that one student who always made an excuse to sit out during gym class.

Panting, I asked, "Where are we going?"

Lance pointed to the arching red bridge rising up on the empurpled horizon. Rin had to be nearby. As I grew closer, I noticed forked bolts of dark energy fulminating around the bridge's center span. Then I saw her.

"Rin!" I called upon reaching the bridge's threshold.

There she was, bound to a suspension cable with what appeared to be glowing violet chains, battered and bleeding. Alongside Rin in the same position was an unconscious younger brunette wearing the same tannish school uniform I had seen around at Tsukumihara—another Master.

Rin barely opened one eye, a faint glimmer of recognition dashing over her face upon hearing my distinct tone of voice, loud and clear.

"Atosaki… I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No, don't worry—"

Lance swept me up in his arms before I could finish. The place I stood had been nearly blown apart by a volley of rapid-fire beams of magic. Above was what appeared to be a magic circle inscribed in the sky, and in its center floated a hooded woman with a dark cloak and dress.

"Y-you can't beat Caster," said Rin, barely audible, with not enough power to struggle any longer.

"Lance, go to Rin."

Reluctantly he released me from his hold and materialized his spear.

I ran as fast across the bridge, trying to draw Caster's attention from Lance. A second attack came down upon me, fast, and without thinking I scrawled something in the air with my forefinger. A circle of fire burst forth before me like a shield, exploding violently on contact with the energy storm. I was blown back nearly to the bridge's center.

Once I stopped skidding I tried to raise myself up; Caster's mouth moved, speaking words without sound. I could not move. My body was completely and utterly frozen, numb as if injected in every vessel with potent anesthetic. The third torrent descended, sudden, perfect, to smite me as if it were commanded by God. I stared with eyes wide open.

And Lance threw himself upon me, taking nearly the entire blow. I could only scream as he collapsed across my back, wheezing from having the air knocked out of him. The entire right side of his body was sizzling, burning scorching red.

"L-Lance!"

He said nothing, stood slowly; legs shaking, facing Caster alone.

I looked to Rin and my heart sank. Her restraints were barely broken. Unable to aid Lance I ran over to where she was girded and began to tug. At a touch I jerked away at the acrid stench of burning flesh, my fingers singed badly.

"Heal," I commanded my body, and so it did.

"Atosaki, stop," Rin begged.

"No."

I threw my hands down again, and where they touched the thick energy links I felt that intense blistering sensation. It grew worse and worse with every passing second, red-hot, unbearable. My flesh could have been melting off the bone and I wouldn't know it, but my body worked to fight the damage, continually renewing every damaged cell. Those bonds loosened a fraction, in my mind at least. I kept going. A ghost-white, wispy trail of steam curled up from my hands. Everything was getting blurry, until finally it melded into one great hodgepodge of color.

That was when the chains snapped, and I reeled backward with all the force I had used to pull. Either I had done it, or Lance did. When I swiveled my head I found him face-down on the ground, barely alive. Lying yards away was Caster, the point of a sinister sword driven through her heart.

Its owner, a blond, black-clad female knight, withdrew her weapon as Caster faded into nothing. Rin and I had already gone to Lance's side, dragging him away as fast as possible. Even with a visor over her eyes the woman's gaze bore into me. She sauntered toward us, weapon raised.

On the downswing it sliced flesh.

The brown-haired Master stood behind us, arms spread, the knight's blade cutting diagonally across her body.

"Please," the girl said softly, "live on for me."

She crumpled on top of the swordswoman, giving us just enough time to get out of sight.

I did not have it left in me to cry for the dead girl. I never got to learn her name. All I knew was that I needed to fulfill her final wish.

"_Live on for me."_

* * *

_A/N: I have all the feels right now and I don't know why. Please come join me in my glass case of emotion._


	6. VI - Through the Eyes of a Stranger

_A/N: Hello there, reader! Thanks for sticking with me so far. Even though this story might not be the most well-known or have the most views, I'm honestly so happy that you're reading it. Thank you again! Okay, I won't eat up all your time. Enjoy the rest of the adventure._

* * *

The hide-and-seek of the sun and moon seemed so far away when I looked upon them, chasing each other like swallowtails across an empty sky. I felt like I drew it, this future with no interest. Even our recovery teetered precariously on the edge of a knife.

We barely made it back to Tsukumihara Academy alive. In one corner of the dark infirmary I sat with time and only time, staring at the faded burns on my palms. Rin approached me so noiselessly that she startled me just by speaking.

"You never told me."

I frowned. "I was saving it… for later."

"Healing magic is rare in this day and age," said Rin. "It's considered a lost art."

"How do you know so much about this anyway?"

"I'm from a long line of mages, most of whom took part in the previous Wars. I mean, even my father's fathers—don't change the subject. The ability to heal is miraculous in and of itself, but it can also be extremely dangerous. You're basically relinquishing your soul for power."

"I know," I responded, massaging my temples, "what it can do to me."

"You could kill yourself that way," she said crossly.

"I don't really need any more bad news."

"Sorry to break it to you, but we're chock full of it."

"Never mind. How's Lance?"

Rin heaved a sigh and stuck her chin out at the dingy green drape hiding him from view. "He's breathing."

"Let me heal him."

"Not after that act you pulled back there."

I stood and spoke these peremptory words: "I have to try. I couldn't save that girl back there; I can't lose anyone else. Don't stop me."

Suddenly Rin raised an open hand, slapping it across my face with enough force to throw me against the wall. I wanted to cry out but bit my tongue when I heard Lance shift his bed sheets slightly, knowing he couldn't do much else.

"You're so damn self-righteous, you know that?" Rin sounded bitter. "Idiot, you should have left me behind. You can't save everyone. Not me, not Caster's Master, not Lancer. The Holy Grail War only has one victor. Can you even save yourself?"

"I don't know," I admitted, voice level, cheek flowering carnation-pink. "But what I do know is that you and Lance are all I have left. I can't stand to see either of you in pain."

After a heavy moment Rin faltered and replied, "Me too."

"You have a better chance of winning the Holy Grail than me. An even better chance if you've got Lance for a while too. I'm probably not going to die from this, might as well give it a shot. I'm more resilient than you think. Understand?"

Finally she stood aside. I stepped past her toward where Lance rested, pushing the divider away. There was nothing I could do but cringe when I looked at him.

The right half of his body had been nearly blown off. Deprived of energy he could not heal fast enough, evidenced by the red-soaked mattress cover. His blue hair was matted with blood, his face begrimed by the same.

"I'm sorry, Lance," I said while pulling a chair over to his bedside. "It's my fault this happened. I wasn't strong enough, and you had to be my shield again."

Lance's head moved slowly from side to side. I reached out to touch the smooth curve of his cheek.

"So in return, I will give to you all of me."

Resting my forehead against his, I allowed my own life force to pool at the point of contact and drain out into him. An oddly calm feeling came over me despite the strange unsteadiness that tugged at my very being. I hoped that this would be enough to pay him back for everything he'd done. If I died doing so, I hoped Lance and Rin might win the Holy Grail. I knew they didn't get along well, but for my sake, perhaps they could put aside their differences.

"We haven't known each other long," I whispered, "but I feel so lucky… to have had you."

His hand found mine, the grip tightening, perhaps in the hope I'd stop. I remained incoercible.

"Lance, if anything happens to me, take care of Rin for as long as you can, okay?"

I felt him nod sadly.

"Thank you. For everything."

With that, I let the floodgates burst open. Whatever limited my flow of energy to Lance was gone. Power surged through and out of me uncontrollably, rushing along on the rapids and descending a mighty cataract. The whole room whirled around me and turned into one grayish blur. Slightly frightened, I tried to pull away, only slumping over across Lance's body as droplets of blood spilled from his body returned whence they came, reabsorbed into closing lacerations. It was too much.

Rin called my name and grabbed my shoulders just before I lost consciousness.

I only remembered the rising color that spun through my memory, through another's eyes, in a body not my own. Countless verses and confusions were heard and seen, though I understood little. This was no longer reality, but a faraway place from some far-flung fantasy. Or was it?

Words, words. Some stuck with me.

"_Sétanta."_

Surrounded by young men.

"_Ulster."_

Abundant greenery.

"_Culann."_

Someone beholding a strangled dog on the ground.

"_Emer."_

Unclear details of a beautiful woman.

"_Scáthatch."_

A smile and a serene voice like a prayer.

"_Gáe Bolg."_

In my own two hands, a red spear… that I recognized as Lance's.

I cradled a dying man with that spear through his heart, and he spoke his final farewell like a loving brother.

Again, a boy fatally wounded by Lance's weapon addressed me, as I despaired, with expiring breath:

"_Cú Chulainn."_

And suddenly I was tied to a tree, pierced through the abdomen by the same spear Lance used, standing, laughing heartily as I died.

This had been an entire lifetime, short as it seemed, and I alone bore witness to its length. As my and the stranger's vision faded to black, an overwhelming sense of grief seized me entirely. I was by myself again in the void. I realized then that I'd seen Lance's past life as Cú Chulainn, a spearman commanding Gáe Bolg—the weapon I once knew, which now seemed demonic.

I didn't fully understand what transpired, but I saw nothing but tragedy. Painfully in my heart I felt Lance's love for the ones he killed by his own hand. I watched the sun set on him. I sobbed, if that was even remotely possible to do in a dream. It suddenly ended there.

When I came to, I knew there were tears streaking vertically down my face, trickling from one eye to the other. Morning sunlight stole in through partially curtained windows and illuminated the room with a soft glow. I was seated in a chair and leaning over, one cheek resting on something firm: Lance's chest. It comforted me to feel its rise and fall accompanied by the beat of his heart. I began to sit up, careful not to wake him.

"Atosaki," said Rin's voice in a hush.

I looked behind me. "Rin."

She crossed and uncrossed her legs on the other infirmary bed, returning my gaze with clouded eyes. "You were crying. You okay?"

"Yeah," I managed.

"What happened?"

Hesitantly I replied, "I… saw Lance. I mean… I… Honestly, it's complicated."

"I think I can guess," she murmured.

"You can?"

"You saw his life. The one before this, right?"

I wiped at the trace of tears with my sleeve. "…It was… so sad."

"I'm sorry."

"No," I said. "I understand a bit more."

A crick in my neck objected when I tried to face Rin. I rubbed it, not expecting the pain.

She looked at me apologetically. "Sorry I couldn't move you. He wouldn't let me."

"It's okay." My voice trembled as I looked back at Lance. "I can't believe this is only day two of the War."

"The faster it is the better," said Rin, "but it seems to have been an eternity."

"What happens to Lance after this is all over?" I asked.

"Well, if everything goes correctly he'll return to the Throne of Heroes."

"This then turns into the Game of Thrones…"

"Uh?"

"So, will he forget me after that?"

"Maybe. Some Heroic Spirits retain their memories from when they were Servants."

"Ah, I see."

A hand on my shoulder turned me around.

"…Lance."

He was staring at me through his opaque ebon eyeshade, mouth hard-set and unreadable. Unexpectedly he pulled me in close.

I allowed myself to be enveloped in Lance's arms. Without saying anything I knew what he thought: I had been a reckless idiot. Still, for the moment, I felt so safe. I wanted nothing but to comfort him as well, now that I knew what he'd endured during life.

When Lance finally released me, I shook my head to keep myself from getting teary-eyed again. "I'm just glad you're alright. Sorry… if I worried you."

A soft noise came from his throat, which I took as a response of some sort. He proceeded to leave the bed, a bit unsteady upon first standing. I got up from my chair to help him, but he motioned for me to sit back down then pointed at the bed.

"Are you sure?"

Lance nodded and left the room. I could only wonder where he was going; he operated in such mysterious ways.

Without another word I clambered into the empty bed, pulled the sheets over my head and lay there. It was still warm with Lance's body heat.

"Sleeping again?" inquired Rin.

"I'm wasted."

"Alright. I'm going to patrol the grounds in case the Saber Servant that killed Caster comes back."

"Just don't go too far again, please."

"A mistake on my part," she admitted grudgingly. "Caster got the jump on me as soon as I stepped out."

I was impressed Rin fessed up to it, though I did not say so. She must have seen the smugness on my face.

"Come now, rest, Atosaki. I'll check up on you later."

She too departed the room, leaving me in a doubtful peace. I observed the cracks and tiles on the ceiling with nothing much else to do. At this point I didn't think I would sleep any longer. My mind was racing at a hundred miles per hour, a red haze, with possibility after possibility running it through, each more unlikely than the last.

The First Empirical Holy Grail War scared me from the start, but apparently that fear worsened with time. I secretly hoped it had all been but a dream, from the ending of the world to this War in which I was a combatant. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

I rolled onto my side, one arm supporting my head on top of the feathery pillow. It hurt almost physically to think about Lance's checkered past. His long and dark end had not a single drop of mercy at its depths. He'd died alone, his own weapon having killed him and those I believed to be his loved ones. A distant, hollow echo of pain resonated in my chest, throbbing and pulsating, gradually softening until I fell into a dreamless slumber.

When I awoke the sun had reached the pinnacle of its route. A tray carrying canned mixed vegetables and bottled water sat atop the nightstand at my left. With impressive voracity I shoveled the carrots, peas and corn into my mouth, stopping only from time to time for a drink. I never thought I'd miss food this much.

After eating my fill I rose and traveled down the main hallway in search of Rin and Lance. I assumed at least one of them would be outside patrolling, and so I continued to the front exit. For a whole minute I stood blinking in the sunlight of the hectically bright outdoors. Kissed by the shine and caressed by the winds, the very sky could have been reaching down for me.

I paced around the large dirt courtyard, not quite knowing the layout of Tsukumihara. At one end of the enclosure were the school gates, at the other a small structure nestled between two larger buildings. Only long, sturdy pieces of squared timber supported its roof, letting me easily see inside. As I walked closer I noticed a figure moving back and forth across the floor.

It had to be Lance. I watched from afar, partially hidden behind a support beam. He brandished Gáe Bolg, twirled it effortlessly, and launched into a rapt attack on the air. It was as if they were dancing, wielder and weapon, every movement so deliberate and calculating that one hit would no doubt evoke the greatest pain. Lance's long, tied-back hair flew with him as he spun, driving his spear outward, its track a crimson rhapsody. Beneath his tight black bodysuit Lance's muscles rippled with each thrust and advance. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

After taking a final stab at his invisible opponent's heart he stopped and let Gáe Bolg dematerialize. He then turned, looking at me with a keen, enigmatic smile, his sweat-sheened countenance a puzzle to me. I hardly knew what to say or think.

Upon approaching me Lance tilted his head to the side, still grinning like a fool. Was he trying to show off? I chewed my lip, flustered, sparing him a sidelong look.

"You look great. I mean your moves did. Though I only saw a little." I had a hard time getting my thoughts together. "…D-do you think you're ready to face that Servant? She looks like a tough one. But I know you've got what it takes."

He gave me the thumbs-up.

I smiled at his gesture, his smile, his everything. It was hard to compare him to the other Alter Servants, who all seemed to be mindless killing machines. Looking at how sweet he was, I wouldn't change a thing.

"Lance." I raised one fist and extended a thumb upward. "You're the best."


	7. VII - Goodbye, My Bluebird

The sound of the clock's hands stopped long ago; the world was coming to a close. This endless illusion laughed at me, at us, for our folly. A mote troubling my mind's eye could not be blinked away. Infallible truth, ecstasy overlapped with a distant voice and the fantasy that I wanted, they disappeared in an instant. I pulled bits of soul from myself. Yes, I'd reached another dead end.

Between azure sky and sea I watched one sun go down wildly, briefly, waiting for a second to rise. Dolorous and beautiful memories languished in the reflected glory of my eyes. The ruined day, the painful night, I inhaled them all.

We were at ease no longer.

The Saber Servant struck at dusk. I saw her first out the window, a pale, flaxen-haired girl brandishing a black sword. With its ominous red linings it seemed to emanate an evil aura like a barrier mist. Her armor's deep indigo color was painted with the dried blood of her last kill. A chill went up my spine.

Lance was already at my side, watching, waiting for the call.

"Do you really want to do this?"

He nodded solemnly.

"Alright. I trust you, but please take care. Go ahead."

And he did.

I went to find Rin and alert her of Saber's arrival. She'd not yet breached the alert system around Tsukumihara and I preferred to keep it that way. The last thing we needed was Saber wreaking havoc upon our only stronghold.

"Rin!" I called, yanking open the doors to the library.

"It's the quiet area, don't you know?" She stood a few bookcases down from me.

"Hurry." I ran over and wrested a paperback from her hands. "She's here."

"Saber? But… the Bounded Field didn't sound."

"She never came in. Lance went after her."

"Can he even win?"

I gave Rin a wan smile. "Have more faith in him."

With that Rin and I abandoned the reference room and hurried outside where the two Servants clashed.

They were all but dark blurs; my eyes only saw the sparks from their weapons with each thrust and parry, swipe and defend. I couldn't tell who was winning or losing. Perhaps they matched one another equally. Saber appeared to be massively powerful, but I knew Lance wouldn't give an inch until the very last breath. That was what worried me.

Even as she fought, a dense, inky haze began to shroud Saber like a funeral pall. It congregated at her blade's edge and with one swing fired off like a shockwave that was barely blocked by Gáe Bolg. Lance was pushed back by the blow, and I saw gouts of bright red pooling on the ground.

"She has so much prana," murmured Rin. "I don't think magic attacks will work against her."

"Are you saying we can't do anything?"

"Unfortunately."

Like a comet Lance zoomed toward Saber, Gáe Bolg continuing on until it ran past her weapon. Even with all that stored force he barely managed to graze Saber's armor. I felt my breath catch in my throat.

She reeled away before taking a stance, the point of her sword slanting downward and behind. I sensed nothing human about her at all. Even with a beautiful form she seemed like a machine bent on nothing but destruction. I didn't mean to, but as I reached a hand out to Lance I noticed it shaking.

"Atosaki."

"Rin?"

"This isn't good. I feel overwhelming power from that sword. If it's what I think it is, then…"

Saber's lips moved and to my horror a sibilant voice came out. _"Sword of Promised Victory…"_

I paled. "Lance, you need to get away!"

He dropped into a guard position, his spear pointed outward, refusing my command with the same animalistic quality of Saber. I watched his mind slip away in the heat of the battle. Momentarily I considered the seal on my left hand, but there had to be another way.

No matter the calculations, I wouldn't reach him in time. Again I couldn't save him. I remembered Lance's sad past and the tragedy doomed to repeat itself. Those words, spoken from a distant land, were a detonator in my ear. Eternity might have stopped slightly for a moment.

I raised my hand, focusing not on Lance, but Cú Chulainn. I drew a succession of four lines in the air.

Rin stared at me in shock. "Wha…what are you doing?!"

I did not hear her as I spoke. _"Rune of the journey: Raido."_

Saber plowed her sword through the air. _"Excalibur!"_

Power surged through my feet; space warped around me. The world melted into streaks as I threw myself at Lance. In slow-motion I felt the heat of Saber's energy shoot past me in a single beam, the ultimate killing technique. It mowed through the surface of the earth, dislocating everything in its path, with me and Lance in close enough proximity to do substantial damage. Even Rin as she tried to run had been thrown by the immense force, now apparently knocked out and lying on the ground.

When time eventually caught up to me, we were flying into a concrete building across from Tsukumihara. Lance took the brunt of the pain as he broke the wall with his back. I'd gathered enough velocity to flip over him upside down and spin into the exposed room, inertia being a property of matter. I ended up hitting the opposite partition, painfully sliding down its surface with my legs over my head.

Lance was able to more easily shake off the impact, even having endured the worst part of it. I didn't know what to expect when he turned to look at me, but the last thing I'd anticipated was a feeling of dread. His face was contorted in rage, almost unrecognizably so.

I had the audacity to ask, "Are you angry?"

He advanced, drawing Gáe Bolg with the pointed end outward. My eyes widened in dismay. He was serious.

"I… I'm sorry! I just… wanted to help…"

Words failed me, hardly shaped out by my hoarse voice. I tried to right myself, but the runic magic had sucked me dry of energy.

"Lance!"

I cried out as Saber lunged at him from behind, driving her sword into his ribcage. He yelped in pain, turning to slash her across the face with his spear. The visor protecting her eyes cracked, and I saw pale yellow orbs that looked out blankly through eyelashes so fair they seemed to be blown from glass.

With one arm extended, Saber was left unguarded. Lance suddenly stiffened, lurching his head toward her, inches away. A deranged grin I had never seen before spread on his visage, and he began to change, growing in height, his features turning into something else completely.

The blue and white werewolf from the church stood before me again. Only this time, he'd lost control. If he was considered dangerous back then, now…

With a prolonged cry, Lance's wolf form bit into Saber's shoulder guard, his fangs penetrating the metal, and then threw her across the room. In place of her previous brutality was fear. He stamped on Saber's chest with a burst of air from her lungs before using Gáe Bolg to hack off her right arm at the upper joint. The black Excalibur lay useless on the ground.

I watched a one-sided fight unfold. Lance dug his claws into Saber's chest plate, eliciting a pained scream. It was as if he enjoyed seeing her suffer. Again he used the spear to cut one leg apart, then the other.

"Lance, stop it!" I screamed in Saber's defense. I didn't care if she was the enemy, this was outright torture.

He didn't even look at her as he drove Gáe Bolg into her stomach. Apparently that wasn't enough to kill her—she wailed the entire time. I crawled over and cradled Saber's head, unable to use my healing after unleashing Raido.

"Shh, it's okay," I whispered, watching as the wound somehow carved a path toward her heart. "It'll be over soon."

She looked at me imploringly and for a moment I glimpsed the person she had been before corruption. But Lance ripped her body from my grasp and flung it mercilessly into the streets.

"No." I willed myself up and stumbled over to where she'd fallen. All I found were streaks of blood and a dissolving form. I waved sadly. "…Saber, go in peace."

And the knight smiled, closing her eyes, accepting her fate. She was gone in an instant.

As I turned to face Lance, his teeth sank into my arm, razor-sharp incisors shredding flesh and crushing bone. I screamed out of surprise and pain, unable to pull away without inflicting further damage on myself. He reared his head and released me mid-air. I hit the asphalt hard, my feeble magic hard at work to mend what looked beyond repair.

I stared, horrified, at Lance's bestial shape, then at my mangled, half-healed arm. It gushed blood like a fountain; splinters of broken bone poked out into the open. It hurt much less than I'd expected it to, but I could hardly withstand the physical agony coupled with that of having lost him completely.

Lance rounded on me a second time and it was a strange palpitation, the hunter's excitement mingling with its prey's distress. Rin still lay where she was felled, though her voice screamed in my ears: _"Use a Command Spell!"_

"Lance, this isn't you," I said quietly, holding my arm as it slowly repaired itself. "I know you're in there. Please, come back to me."

At those words he pounced, one clawed hand pinning me down by the neck. A dizzy range of hues flickered in my eyes as the back of my skull cracked on the asphalt. Barely able to speak, I reached up. He growled, cold and deadly, with fangs bared. Still, I touched his cheek and smiled.

"It's okay. Let's just disappear together. And after this is all over, please, don't forget me. This Command Seal is proof…"

His gaping maw closed around my throat.

"…of how I loved you."

He froze.

"Lance?"

The madness recoiled into a muted state. Lance pulled away, shifting back into human form as he did so.

"Lance," I said, relieved, glad his true self had returned.

He stared at my broken body with unseen eyes and jumped off me, backing away.

I tried to speak, but all that resulted was an ill-defined utterance: "No, Lance…"

Then my Servant was gone.

I began to black out from the exhaustion of healing, unable to see where he'd disappeared to. All I remembered afterwards, in the short time I was semi-conscious, a dark-haired man slinging me over his shoulder, Rin draped on the other. I failed to hang on much longer after that.

It all went dark.


	8. VIII - Reset Button

_T/W: Suicidal ideation, please do not attempt at home.  
_

* * *

All of the scenes that spilled on the ground were hazy, swaying, everything stopping around me with the teardrops I embraced. The clouds that floated by, I touched them, and they fell into a rushing wave of sorrow. Going out with the tides, I gave up so many things to live, to eat, but no matter how many days passed I would never fill the gaping hole in my chest where he fit perfectly.

There was one thing I remembered well. Trying once more, a hundred times more, a thousand, all I saw was his face. Gold-leaf flecks settled on my eyelids, but where were the buyers? Knowing nothing at all could not hurt me. I counted out the simple things, trying not to forget the warmth he and I shared.

I screamed, standing in the center of the world, this cradle of life. I chased it. I grew tired. I gained and lost, forgetting, remembering. The last emotions swirling chaotically around encircled my floating body like a violent maelstrom.

A star was removed from the sky that night and grew colder: the light he gave me. Slowly but surely my heart was sinking. I pictured the dawn from the day we first met. A cold wind took him away, but surely we'd meet again. Surely…

Breathing calmly, I opened up my eyes, slightly teary. Someone wearing a trench coat colored with the hues of a sorrowing evening stood on a ledge overlooking Fuyuki. He looked back at me, stirring his shoulder-length black hair that matched the blank eyes set in a handsome though gaunt face. I spotted a still unconscious Rin to my left, sitting against the other side of the rooftop access door.

"I thought that by saving you girls," the man said with a deep voice, "I could atone for my sins. Even then, it made no difference in the end. It feels no better. I might as well…"

He stared down at the distant ground.

I stood up sharply, dizzying myself in the process. My injured arm throbbed madly. "W-wait! You're not seriously going to jump, are you?!"

He turned to me again as I neared him. "Are you that concerned for a life with no purpose?"

"What do you want me to do, push you over the edge? Come on, let's think this through. You don't need to throw yourself away."

A humorless chuckle was all he gave me. "I was born empty. Although the chaff is usually discarded first, I let the precious thing inside go before me."

I fumbled for something to say in response to these statements, slightly bemused. "I don't understand what you mean."

"It's too late anyway."

The man swayed forward. I reached for his legs, clinging to them.

"Um... before you go, tell me your name."

"You're just stalling me."

"No, really. I want to know."

"…Julius."

"Okay. I'm Atosaki. That's Rin. And Lance…" I stopped myself, remembering that he had run away. I rested my cheek against the backs of Julius's knees. "Um, you could be part of our family."

He scoffed. "That's the last thing I need."

"Why?"

"I already let my brother die in this so-called Empirical Holy Grail War. My purpose in life was to protect him. There is nothing left for me."

I knew he was readying himself for the leap.

"Tell me about him. Your brother."

"No."

"Well, you're about to die anyway. I won't tell anyone else."

"…His name was Leonardo. He was my younger half-brother. He was to succeed Father as head of the Harwey family. Now let me go."

"H-Harwey? You mean that super big conglomerate? You're a really rich guy then."

"I'm not an heir. I won't stand this drivel any longer."

"Do you have to be so difficult?"

"Have it your way."

Julius swung around, the heel of his shoe connecting with my chin. I fell backward with my lip gushing blood.

"Oh my God! What was that for?"

"For being a nuisance," he said, jumping down from the ledge with an ominous presence.

"I know. I know I was…"

His face was livid. "You don't know. You don't know what it's like to have your existence scorned. You don't know how it feels to be a human experiment. You don't know anything about losing the only people who ever loved you!"

"…You're crying," I said softly, my tears streaming down as well.

He finally noticed. Carefully I stood and wrapped my arms around him.

"I never got to say goodbye to Leo," he whispered. "I never told him how sorry I am for not saving him."

"I'm so sorry, Julius. I won't ever be able to fully comprehend what has happened to you. If… if I ever won the Holy Grail, my wish would turn back the hands of time. I'd bring back everyone who died in the apocalypse and this War, including your brother."

"Atosaki?" Rin's eyes bore into the back of my head. She was awake.

"That's what I'd ask for," I said softly, withdrawing from the embrace.

Julius stared at me for a moment before reaching out.

With that memory of being booted in the face still fresh, I flinched automatically. "Wait…!"

He cupped my cheek with a gloved hand. "I apologize for what I did. Are you alright?"

"Yes." I wiped the blood from my lower lip and stuck it out in a pout. "Look, all better."

"…There's not a trace of anything. How?"

"She's a healer, basically," said Rin, slightly suspicious of Julius due to what he'd said so far. Apparently she hadn't seen that kick.

"I see. It's fortunate for you," he said.

"Yeah, well, it feels like it's slowly draining my soul, but don't worry." I laughed nervously. "Shall we head inside? It's a brisk night and nobody wants to catch cold."

As Julius and I walked toward the door, Rin glared at him. "You didn't try to kidnap us, did you?"

"Not at all. All I knew was that you two were hiding out in the school, so I brought you here."

"So you're a stalker, then."

"Well, if you put it like that…"

Rin crossed her arms. "Yeah, I—hey, Atosaki. Where's Lancer?"

"The Servant you had?" added Julius, only backing Rin's stalker theory.

I couldn't answer them right away. I didn't know how to explain any of it.

Rin seemed to notice she'd struck a nerve, but she persisted. "Did something bad happen to him when he fought Saber?"

"Yes." One-word answers were a start.

"S… Saber killed him."

"No."

"Then what happened?"

I bit back tears. "Lance tried to kill _me_."

"What?" The two of them spoke in unison.

Julius was shocked, although his feelings showed through only mildly. "I just assumed your Servant fought with another and that both perished. No wonder your outfit is bloody and torn, though."

Rin began to deny it. "I can't see him ever hurting you. I know that he… really liked you a lot."

"That's what makes it ten times worse," I said quietly, fists clenched. "I think I got through to him in the end. But…"

"Where is he now?" Rin finally asked.

"I don't know."

"We'll figure it out later, I suppose."

"Yeah."

Upon reentering Tsukumihara's main building we took inventory of our supplies. I decided to skip dinner and busied myself with putting on the standard girl's school uniform—a tan blazer and skirt—along and a blue bow around my neck, just to replace that denim dress so I'd look somewhat presentable. The acorn Lance gave to me sat atop a dresser in the nurse's office.

While Julius ate his first meal in days Rin wanted to "have some girl time with Atosaki," as she put it. It was somewhat silly; we sat on the library floor, styled each other's hair and talked about things we liked. Rin worked on a long plait for me, speaking of her expensive jewel-collecting hobby. I mentioned how I wrote poetry, and then she insisted I recite some.

"Um, I haven't really written much recently, so I'm a little rusty."

"That's fine. Go on, do your thing."

"O-okay. Here's an English sonnet I wrote a while ago…"

I cleared my throat and started reciting, though halfway through I wracked my brain for the rest of it. "Err, I'm blanking. Sorry, that's all I got."

Once Rin interweaved a pink ribbon in my hair she applauded anyway. "Whoa, nice. So Shakespearian. Must have taken a while to write."

"Aha, thanks. It's not too hard, actually." I paused, thinking. "I personified Death so I would be less afraid when my time came. I've always been scared, even before the War. I guess I still am."

"Aren't we all?" She chuckled. "You shouldn't give up on yourself so easily. You have a wonderful wish, you know, to bring everyone back. Fight for it."

"If it were to be granted, I wish Lance could stay too."

Rin sighed. "I don't think that's possible, unless you kept Lancer as a familiar. Even then, your magic's not that powerful, so you might not be able to sustain him."

"I wonder what he'd be like if he wasn't an Alter Servant."

"Annoying and perverted and a womanizer."

"What?! No way!"

"I saw him flirting with you," she said with a mischievous wink. "Then again, he'll protect anyone he's devoted to with his life."

"Now I just need to get him back." I tied some black ribbons around Rin's twin ponytails.

"Yeah," she murmured. "I don't think he meant to hurt you. That black magic around Saber might have gotten to him."

"I hope. Either way, he must be upset."

"You didn't use your Command Seal," she duly noted.

"Yes," I said. "I thought if I used it, it might completely sever our ties, and I'd never get him back."

"Quite possible."

"I want to find Lance in the morning and tell him it's alright. I miss him a lot."

"I know you do," said Rin, putting her hands on my shoulders. "Get some sleep. Don't mess up your pretty braid. I'm going to watch Julius a while. If he gets too close to you, Lancer will be jealous."

"Okay. Thank you for doing my hair." I giggled, getting up and brushing off an a few invisible specks of dirt. "Goodnight, Rin."

"'Night, Atosaki."

I dreamt of Lance once I fell asleep.


	9. IX - Look at Me

Someone's grip on my shoulder jarred me awake.

"Atosaki?"

It was Rin. I cracked an eye open to bright daylight.

"Mm…"

"Atosaki, Julius is gone."

"Wh-what?" I threw off the covers.

She held up a note scrawled in pen. "He said he'd find Lancer for you as an apology. What did he do to you? Nothing shady, right?"

"Uh, he might have maybe kind of kicked me in the face."

Rin gaped.

"It wasn't a big deal, really! Um, we should go after him." I jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of brown lace-up boots which were about a size too big on my feet. Rin followed me in our search for Julius. With Fuyuki being such a sprawling city, we doubted we would find him easily. He could've been anywhere.

At the gates of Tsukumihara I recalled Lance using a rune to track down Rin after she was ambushed by Caster. If I remembered correctly, it was shaped like a letter "B." I knelt down and using a jagged rock scratched the symbol into the blacktop.

"Another rune?" Rin asked, watching me with interest.

"No idea what it's called, but I hope it works."

I concentrated hard on the rune. Surely enough, it began to glow, tracing a faint path of pulsating white light which first made a sharp right before traveling away.

"Atosaki? You see something?"

"Yeah. I'm surprised. Anyway, let's go. I think Julius went this way."

The trail zigzagged around high-rising structures, rusted to the color of sappenwood, which scraped the sky, and as we walked along it grew just a bit more luminous. Rin and I came upon a railroad which led to the city's outskirts. After traveling at least a few miles the line of light had grown hectically bright. The entire time I felt as if I were being shadowed by someone else other than Rin, but these slightly paranoid thoughts went unheeded.

Before I knew it we were standing in front a dilapidated brick château, apparently abandoned by its owners long before the nuclear war, with its front door torn down. Its job done, the rune path faded, leaving us to search nearby for Julius.

When I went behind the manor, Julius snuck up on me like a shadow, not making any noise when he moved. I nearly screamed, but he covered my mouth before I could.

"Not so loud," he said, removing his hand. "I found your Servant, but he's holed up in the roof space of this wreck. He probably thought I was going to attack him. I'm not that scary, am I?"

Julius wasn't a terribly tall man, yet he exuded a daunting, almost unnerving presence. His black eyes, framed by long hair of the same color, pierced into my very soul.

"Not at all," I said, smiling.

Rin hooted with laugher, her back leaned casually against the house. Julius raised an eyebrow.

"Anyway," I interjected, "I want to get Lance."

"I'm coming with you," said Rin, who I knew would continually renew this request with the obstinacy of a bull.

"…I'll stand guard," said Julius. "I have a feeling it'd be better that way."

I nodded and went to the building's front, entering through the empty doorframe. The palatial interior was filled with slender pillars which supported sweeping arcades, paneling, and dust-enameled clerestories. A grand stairway led upward to a balcony rail decorated with finely wrought metal embellishments. I mounted the marble steps with Rin, on the landing finding myself faced with a sprawling labyrinth of corridors.

"Which way?" I asked, and that question echoed throughout the house.

"Julius said to find the attic. Just keep going."

Easier said than done. It was a long and arduous process filled with nooks and crannies, secret passageways and hidden doors. After going up two levels we discovered a framed trapdoor opening and a rickety-looking loft ladder. With the hatch shut tight, I guessed Lance was hiding there.

"I'm going," I said firmly.

Rin raised a finger to object, but stopped as I climbed the ladder and pushed away the door.

"Lance?" I called in a murmur.

Nothing. Hesitantly I poked my head into the high-ceilinged attic space.

Sitting on the floor beyond a dim shaft of sunlight was Lance, knees and legs hugged to his chest. The wounds from that fight with Saber were entirely unhealed, appearing to have opened even more from all the running he'd done.

"There you are," I whispered, beginning to climb into the garret.

He scrambled away from me, trying even harder when he reached a wall. It was like I had him cornered.

"Lance, it's me, Atosaki."

Vehemently he waved both hands in the air to ward me off.

I frowned. "Why? I won't hurt you."

Lance shook his head and pointed to himself.

"It's okay. I've forgiven you. It wasn't your fault, and I'm all better." I raised my arm and showed pulled up my sleeve to show him the healed skin. "See?"

Still he kept his distance, whimpering softly like a wounded animal. I sighed and clambered up despite his initial protest. As I walked closer Lance faced his back to me.

"Lance, I think it was Saber's aura that made you… do what you did. I don't fault you."

He covered his ears, refusing to listen.

"I missed you a lot," I admitted, "so much that it hurt."

Still he said nothing.

"What can I do to make you come back?"

No reply. I wanted to cry out of desperation. I didn't know what to say.

Finally I hunkered down beside him. "Lance, look at me. This is not an order, but a request. Please."

There was a lapse of stillness. Slowly, he turned, and I immediately seized his face and kissed his forehead. I rested my lips on the soft, cool skin, pulling back only when Lance's arms wrapped around me.

I snuggled up to him, nuzzling his cheek. "There's no reason to be sad. I'm here now. I want to be with you always."

Lance looked at me with concealed eyes, though I felt his gaze and heart. I rested my head against his shoulder armor.

"Do you know, Lance? I think I'm falling in love with you. I know it's not meant to be, but that doesn't change a thing about how I feel."

The back of my left hand started to burn as if pressed by an iron. I stared at the Command Seal, which now bore a long segment with two perpendicular lines at each end in addition to the semicircle shape at its bottom.

I ran a finger over the red emblems. "I guess that means we're doing something right."

He agreed with an inclination of the head.

A smile spread on my face. "I'm so glad to have you back. Let's go home now."

As I got up, Lance did the same before grabbing me from behind and hugging my shoulders. He stooped slightly to hold me, being at least a foot taller. I could not think of any place safer than when I was with him.

"Lance, if we ever get out of this mess alive, try not to hit on other girls too much, alright?"

He stood back with a faint, puzzled smile.

"Well, come on, Rin's waiting."

Climbing down the ladder, I expected her to be there asking what took me so long. However, I arrived to an empty audience.

"That's strange. I didn't think she'd abandon us like that."

Lance perked up suddenly and latched on to my hand.

"What's wrong?"

He ran, pulling me along, deftly navigating the mansion halls with all the skill Rin and I had previously lacked. On the first floor he let go of me and jumped the grand staircase in a single bound.

"Lance!" I tumbled down after him into the entrance way. "N-no way…"

We were absolutely surrounded. Dozens of cloaked, swarthy forms, human in shape, swarmed around the estate grounds. They all wore bone-white masks, each cracked with a single eyehole in the middle. Lance, Rin, Julius and I only had a rapidly diminishing area of defense left over, barely enough for us to stand on the doorstep.

"Are these zombies?!" I questioned aloud.

Then I saw it, a dagger protruding from Julius' chest. He labored to breathe as blood stained the surface below his feet.

"What happened?" I moved closer, taking his arm.

"The idiot took it for me!" cried Rin. Her usually calm and accurate judgment completely dissipated.

"They're the ones," he panted. "They're the ones who killed my brother."

Rin started collecting herself. "They're a Servant—the Assassin."

"It doesn't really matter at this point," I said. "Julius, let me heal you."

"No," he snapped, then softening. "No, it's too late; the poison has spread too much already. This is how Leo went. But I won't give up without a fight."

Another number of darts flew through the air, which Lance deflected with Gáe Bolg. The Assassins advanced, forcing us to take yet another step back.

"Atosaki," said Julius, "take Rin and Lancer to the basement. It's in the left wing and impossible to miss. I'll take care of the rest."

"…I can't leave you. I refuse to abandon a member of this family."

He grasped for an answer. "Do you want me to kick you in the face again? Don't be stupid. Hurry."

Rin's eyes widened. "He's overloading his Magic Circuits. That's insane. You won't hurt anyone but yourself!"

"Don't worry about a thing." Julius turned to me. "I'm a human experiment, remember? It's a built-in failsafe. If I were to be caught by an opposing faction, I'd die before talking and take every one of those bastards with me."

"Julius," I hugged his arm. "Don't say things like that. You're scaring me."

He looked at Lance. "Take care of her for me, will you? She'll have a hard time, I can tell. Now go, all of you."

Lance nodded solemnly. Rin reluctantly entered the house, though I still clung to Julius. It took both Rin and Lance combined to pry me from him.

"No!" I went kicking and screaming. "Julius, stop! Get back here right now, Julius!"

And he gave me the smallest, saddest smile as he faced the oncoming wave of enemies alone.

I was dragged against my will to the storm cellar, where we hid amongst layers of dust and shelves of wine. I repeated Julius' name the entire time, pinned down by Rin.

The beginnings of what could have been a high-magnitude earthquake silenced me completely. Dirt particles spilled out from the ceiling as an earthshattering explosion rocked our hiding place, everything threatening to collapse on top of us. Lance needed to hold back the wine racks as they toppled over. I cried even harder when the noise tapered off.

Rin dragged me outside by my collar when I refused to go. As far as the eye could see was level ground. Not a trace of the house remained. Even its foundation had been utterly demolished. Assassin and Julius were nowhere to be found. I fell to my knees, unable to look ahead, knowing he wouldn't be there.

"I barely knew him," I breathed between cloven lips. "And yet he…"

"He paid you back in full," said Rin. "That's why you need to keep fighting, for his sake."

I almost lost it. "What if we never see the Grail? What if it doesn't really grant wishes? What if everyone's gone forever? What if? What if?!"

What if. What a question, with no good answer. I'd never find one until the time came for me to know.

"_What if…?"_

I was watched as I rose unsteadily. Rin went to help me, but I shook my head. I wouldn't shed tears over this loss, because more and more were bound to come along.

"It's alright. I can stand on my own."

And I tried.

Lance's fingers found their way into the spaces between mine. Gripping his hand, I fought to hold back tears. He said so much without words.

I managed a weepy hiccup of laughter. "You know, Lance, I'll never forgive Julius. I'll never forget him, either."

He seemed to agree and we stared into the dusty sky together.

"Thank you, Julius."


	10. X - In Wait for Mo(u)rning

Thanks guys for your reviews! They literally make me squee with joy~ I'll keep on updating, so stay tuned.

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Inside this narrow cage, my tired eyes were sewn shut so tight that I'd no longer see how dark and cruel the world could be. I took arms with the hope of glimpsing the sun again, but every gun I touched misfired and took my loved ones with them. Only in a beautiful dream would I find them again.

Something inside me died every time. It moldered and festered until I nearly went insane. Never did I ask for agony. In my own personal hell I heard the voices speaking terrible things about me, about what I might do, and yes, I took them as irrefutable truth.

Nobody wanted to die. "The end" wasn't always happy. I learned that the hard way. To make one on my own was impossible. Only fate's unkind hands shaped our futures. We only worked with the cards we were dealt, playing but a risky, hopeless game. I stopped praying in the name of Destiny.

If only I stayed where it was safe and sound. Alone in a blank room, I talked to no one but the shadows. By the light they appeared bleak. From the depths of my heart I wanted to be brave. It hurt so much though; I saw his face and heard his voice.

Rin insisted on going to the beach, complaining about the lack of running water and how she hadn't bathed in days. With my disinterest I was reminded of how I hated the more boring trips my parents used to take me on. I'd forgotten that life I led, and the peaceful times made me blind. I went anyway to appease her.

She handed me a towel borrowed from Tsukumihara, instructing me to wash up in a narrow cove she'd discovered after scouting the coastline. Lance seemed interested in going with me, probably to make sure I was safe, but Rin kicked him in the rear and called him a lecherous creep. I convinced myself to laugh.

I stripped myself of my uniform and waded into the ocean, chilled to the bone as I took the plunge. Amazingly enough nature went untainted by external strife. I wish we humans were enduring like the earth, its sky and its waters. How else would they have existed millions of years if not for resilience?

Growing accustomed to the temperature, I dunked my head under the surface, rising quickly with a gasp. Admittedly it felt nice, though my enjoyment was short-lived. I kept thinking too much, too hard. I squeezed some water from my braided hair and reached for the towel I'd left on a nearby rock. Feeling nothing, I looked over and saw empty space.

"Shoot, I forgot it? Surely Lance wouldn't have…"

"Hello? Did you lose this?" asked a disarming voice.

I whipped my head around. "Rin, if that's you, I swear—"

From the sand, a young boy wearing a blue tank top and camouflage pants flapped the white cloth over his head. He had golden hair which shone brilliantly in the low declining sun. Somehow his eyes drew me closer, and I noticed the irises were an ethereal blood-red with almost cat-like pupils.

"Who… are you?"

"Who are _you?_" he echoed with a little titter and a winsome smile.

"I'm…"

The child threw the towel at my head. "Here. You need this more than me."

I noticed that the water level barely came up to my chest.

"Right," I said, flustered for some unknown reason. It wasn't like he was a grown man or anything. "I'm Atosaki, by the way."

"Call me Gil," said the boy amiably.

"So you must be a Master."

"A master at what?"

"Err, nothing," I said, unable to break the truth to him. I dried my hair and slowly stepped out of the water, wrapping myself up straight away. "How did you get here, Gil?"

"Dunno," he said. "I just heard voices, so I came over."

"I see. Um, you haven't seen anything out of the ordinary, have you?"

"Nope. Everyone seems to be out of town, though."

"…I have to put something on. Turn away, please. No peeking."

"Okay, big sister."

Such sweet words spoke of innocence being preserved forever. His heart wasn't tainted by death and horror like mine. I glanced over my shoulder from time to time to make sure he didn't look. I pulled on the final article of clothing and clapped my hands.

"Done."

He twirled back around. "Hey, big sister Atosaki, I saw a tall man with blue hair waiting nearby. Is he your boyfriend?"

"Eh? What makes you think that?"

"Well, his eyes were hidden so I thought he was blind, but he kept looking in your direction with this sort of… tenderness, I guess."

I broke out in genuine laughter.

"So you _are_ dating!"

"No, that's not it," I said promptly. "It… it would never work out. We can't be together."

"You two are like Romeo and Juliet, then. Star-crossed lovers and all that."

"Come on, smarty-pants, let's go. I'll introduce you to him. Oh, Rin too. I'm sure you'll love her."

"Yay, a brother and a sister!"

I ruffled Gil's short, soft hair. Already I adored him, but something told me not to get too close. I let people in and let them down. If I did that to Gil, I'd never forgive myself.

I walked him over to where Lance waited on the dunes. Gil waved enthusiastically.

"Hi, I'm Gil."

Lance looked down at him questioningly.

"This is Lance," I said. "Say hello, Lance."

He motioned welcomingly with his hands.

"He's mute," noticed Gil, sympathetic.

"Ah, yeah."

Gil circled around Lance and played with his scarlet-tipped ponytail. "Mr. Lance, your hair is cool! I want a hairstyle like this when I grow up."

I sniggered, all the while trying to cover up my amusement. Lance grinned at Gil then tilted his head sideways toward me.

"Lance, I'm feeling better now. I should thank Rin for forcing me along."

"You should!" called Rin from afar. She marched up proudly. "Hey, who's the kid? You two haven't been hiding something, have you? No wonder your Command Seal got bigger. He's a bit too old, though…"

"He looks nothing like either of us!" I exclaimed.

"Big sister Atosaki, that's Miss Rin, right? What's she talking about?"

"Nothing important."

"I like his manners," Rin marveled.

"My name's Gil!" he said happily.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," replied Rin.

"Likewise."

"Gil, do you have a place to stay?" I asked him.

"Uh, not really."

"Do you want to come with us? We live in a school and there's lots of food."

"Yes! I've never been in school before. Sounds fun."

Rin pulled me aside once Lance started showing Gil the way.

"There's something fishy about him," she said in my ear.

"You always think that," I complained.

"No, seriously. He doesn't look right. I don't think he's a Master."

"So you're implying he's an Alter Servant."

"Not that either. I just…"

"Rin," I said, smiling. "After losing Julius, I want to protect Gil however I can."

"…Got it."

"I'm glad."

Gil ran to me and grabbed my hand in one of his, Lance's in the other.

"This is us for now," I said, taking Rin by her arm. "Let's not waste any more time."

Together we walked off into the setting sun, a small window of opportunity calling my name loud and clear.

Then why did I feel so unsettled?

It was like back then, when in my mind I made a wide bridge with which to cross the wide sky. Daily life continued, though slowly the planks supporting me eroded. Traversing that long path wore me down. I wanted to take a break, but time unsparingly passed on. Those feelings of misery I tasted far too often, more than I liked to admit, should have been left behind long ago. The things I wanted were always just out of reach. Running far, trying to escape, reality refused to die. No matter how well I hid myself, I trembled with fear and clung to the past, so frightened of being driven into the future.

Until the end of the dream, two choices were balanced in both hands, neither heavier than the other, of equal value, precious as liquid gold. I weighed the options with no certain outcome. Something told me that, in my doubtfulness, the best counsel would be provided by another besides me.

"Gil, do you want orange juice or apple juice?"

He stroked his chin in contemplation of the pasteurized drinks. "Apple."

I gave him the appropriate carton, and it was drained before I knew it.

"That was good!" chirped a content Gil.

I gulped down some orange juice in turn, smacking my lips. "I second that."

"Big sister Atosaki, I came across a really big shopping center while I was exploring the city. They have toys and tea and even a swimming pool! There wasn't anyone around, so I'm guessing they only open at night. Can we go?"

"Beggars can't be choosers, you know."

Rin appeared behind me and threw down a pack of peanuts on the lunchroom table.

"It seems harmless enough, Rin," I said.

"We should stick to what we have. Vending machines and cafeteria food."

Gil jumped up from his seat. "I'm sorry Miss Rin, but you're being awfully bossy. I just want to show big sister the stores. There's nothing for us to worry about."

"Are you honestly that clueless? Nighttime is when th—"

I cut across her. "Rin."

She glared at me. "Either way, my final answer is no."

"Big sis?" Gil looked to me with round, beseeching eyes.

"Rin's right, Gil. Nighttime is dangerous, you know, when those shady, uh, characters come out."

He sulked. "No one's on my side I guess. I'm gonna ask Lance."

"Wait!" bellowed Rin as he dashed off.

"Lance won't bring him," I said. "Remember what happened during our last run-in with the undead?"

"I knew that kid was trouble." She turned on her heel and stormed out of the room.

"He doesn't know!" I called after her.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, unable to deal with any further internal strife. What other option was there but to take him in? Gil was absolutely oblivious and I hadn't the faintest idea why, but there wasn't even a remotely good way to tell him the truth. He wouldn't believe us unless he saw it himself. I saw Rin's point, yet purity of mind didn't stay intact long. I learned that lesson too.

The thought of those zombies was enough to make anyone shudder. It struck me as odd how they showed up in such great numbers when Fuyuki sustained substantially less damage than other parts of Japan. Perhaps they migrated, although with their speed that seemed unlikely. Perhaps the Grail placed them here as another obstacle, another test for the Masters to prove their worth.

Lance ambled into the canteen and took a seat beside me. For a moment I thought I heard him humming to himself, but maybe it was just my imagination.

"Hi," I said, elbows resting on the tabletop and a tilted steeple formed with my fingers.

He smiled at me, doing the same as I did.

"Lance," I started to say, my heart all aflutter again. "Do you like me?"

Immediately he nodded yes.

"I mean, well, more than that. It's just that I've never felt like this before. Like I'm head over heels and my thoughts are all jumbled and I think my chest is going to burst."

His hand found my shoulder, but I focused on the peanuts before me.

"To tell you the truth, I haven't even had my first actual kiss yet." I tried to cover up my profuse blushing. "W-why am I telling you this anyway?"

Lance swung a leg under my chair, revolving it so that I faced him.

"Smooth. Very smooth, Lance. Are you playing me?"

He frowned slightly, knowing I wasn't quite taking him seriously.

I was on fire by now. "…There's nothing great about me, you know. You could have picked Rin if you wanted to. She's so much better than I am. Stronger, smarter, prettier—"

Lance's forefinger pressed against my lips and removed itself once I stopped.

"But you're one in a million. I'll never find anyone as amazing as you. Really, I love the way you are. I love…"

I leaned in. His hand caressed my cheek. He pulled me closer.

"_A-to-sa-kiiiiii!"_

Rin burst into the room, absolutely fuming.

"That little brat Gil, he—!"

I had my eyes half-closed, nose inches from Lance's. What great timing.

"I, uh, you, him?" stuttered Rin.

"It's okay." I backpedaled more and more. Lance looked saddened. If he had his wolf ears, surely they'd be drooping.

"Gil's gone," she informed us.

"What?"

"Damn kid must've run off to that mall he raved about."

"We should go after him."

"I'm not risking it. Besides, that's one last Master or whatever we have to worry about."

"Why are you being this cold all of a sudden?"

"Because sacrifices need to be made," she said, jaw clenching and unclenching. "…At the end of this War, if you and I are the last ones…"

"Lance, please help me find Gil." I stood abruptly and brushed past her, saying on my way out, "I don't want you to think about that. You're my best friend. I won't lose you too."

She had nothing to say as I left.


	11. XI - A Grave Mistake

_A/N: I'm one of those people who stalks page views via Story Stats. It feels really good to know you're reading! Thanks for your ongoing support. I did a bit of an overhaul on past chapters, correcting grammar and errors and whatnot. There will be more surprises in store for the future~_

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Never had we been at ease. No one quite understood how it happened. Under loaded gun and a chambered first round, every continent on our planet was a particle in the volatile powder keg. Hearts were spliced at a molecular level. It went unnamed, unknown, coming undone seam by seam. According to speculation, some greater power or some _God_ brought this upon us. Black rain fell from the sky without cause. They said nothing more than "disaster cometh."

I listened to the click of my boots on a polished floor. Lance walked noiselessly beside me. For a moment I admired his silver-gilded profile and how his hair turned midnight blue in the shadows. Wracked with worry over Gil's disappearance, I turned to all my doubts, seeking refuge in a contrived answer. Even with this ongoing disaster I could repine over petty matters of the heart.

That feeling I got, like Lance and I were doomed to be apart, gnawed at me endlessly. I feared getting any closer, knowing my heart would eventually break with the pain of losing him forever. If I kept my distance perhaps I'd not suffer as much. He could get a new Master in another Holy Grail War, forgetting I even existed. Any Servant used a Master as a steppingstone regardless.

Why did Lance care for me when I didn't deserve it? Having a stupid little Master, was that reason enough for him to fall in love? Quite possibly he only protected her because she was his Master and nothing more.

What a deadly force uncertainty was.

Reactively I slapped both hands against my cheeks, the cognitive stimuli too overwhelming, sending a shock throughout the entire empty shopping complex. Lance's head snapped over to my direction.

"S-sorry. Did I frighten you?" I didn't dare elaborate upon my mind's inner workings.

He shook his head and reached for me, kind of asking, "Are _you_ frightened?"

I backed up just enough to evade his grasp, arms hugged around myself defensively. "I'm okay."

Truth be told, I was frightened beyond relief, frightened of letting him in. I was frightened of being in love, whether fleeting or true, though I believed it to be the latter. Even if everything worked out and the world was repaired, we would never be together.

Lance grimaced like he'd made some grave transgression, moving along slower now. I got the impression I hurt his feelings.

"That's not it," I tried to explain.

He turned, looking a touch… troubled? If only I was capable of reassuring him. I stopped at the bottom of an inactive escalator, ready to pour my heart out.

"…Rin was right. The Grail War is drawing to a close, and I know what'll happen when—"

"Big sister!"

I spotted Gil's small figure waving at us from the corner of my eye, up on the mall's second floor.

"Why am I always getting interrupted?" I wondered.

"Hey, hey, check this out!" he exclaimed while speeding down the motionless, once moving stairs.

The first question I asked upon seeing him holding a shopping bag was, "You bought something?"

He ran a hand sheepishly through his lemon-yellow hair. "I paid! I… sorta borrowed Rin's jewels and left them at the cash register."

Lance then decided it was a good idea to lift Gil in the air (by the armpits no less) and growl at him like some feral animal.

"Sis, please help me." The kid sounded like he was going to soil his pants.

I rubbed my throbbing temples. "Lance, you can put him down."

At least he obeyed. I tapped a foot on the floor, trying to think of what I'd say, tempted to let Rin deal with him.

"Gil, you shouldn't have run away like that. I worried like there was no tomorrow, you know. Rin might be bossy, but she only acts in your best interest. It's not safe out here, especially for young boys like you."

"Sorry, big sister, I really am," Gil said, head hung. "I just wanted to get you a present."

I relaxed my stance a bit. "I appreciate that a lot. I'd also appreciate it if you could listen to the grown-ups from now on, okay?"

"Okay," he replied.

"Promise?"

"Promise." Shyly Gil offered up a box taken from his bag.

With a sigh I removed the lid, finding inside a European-style dress set that came in a few pieces: a white, puffy-sleeved top, a brown corset, and a lacy red two-layered skirt with one matching ribbon neckpiece.

"Do you like it?"

I was stupefied. "I-I love it. It's absolutely gorgeous."

"If you want to try it on, there's a ladies' washroom over there."

I glanced at Lance. "I really shouldn't. I mean…"

"But what if it doesn't fit you?" he asked apprehensively.

"Oh, alright. I'll be quick."

It was dark inside the restroom, there being only a single small window to light its interior. Surprisingly the outfit fit near perfectly. Even the looseness of the blouse was remedied by that unusual old-fashioned corset. I admired myself on the way out.

"Wow, big sis!" exclaimed Gil when he saw me. "You look even more beautiful than you already are."

I played self-consciously with the ribbon neck-collar. "Thank you, for getting this for me. You're very considerate."

"Now hold this!" He handed me a wicker picnic basket filled with jams and candy.

I obliged, my mouth watering just looking at its contents.

"You look like Little Red Riding Hood!" Gil giggled. "Without the hood. Hey, isn't she pretty, Mr. Lance?"

He approached me from behind, nodding. I saw him with this flowery-patterned Hawaiian T-shirt in hand.

"What have you got there, hm?"

Lance looked like he wanted to wear it. I couldn't help but smile.

"I like your fashion sense. Don't tell me you paid with Rin's jewels too." I paused, scuffing the floor with my shoe. "I apologize for how I acted before. I didn't mean to be so insensitive. Things are… confusing for me right now…"

I stood on tiptoe to put my arms around his neck.

"All I know is that I want to be with you."

Gil oohed to nobody but himself and started pushing us closer together.

"Cut it out!" I kicked at him playfully.

He danced around my leg, making a duckbill imitation with his lips.

"Big sis is in l-o-v-e!"

"So what if I a—"

A sudden shattering of glass filled the entire atrium. Ton upon ton of thrashing corpses poured down from the skylight, crystalline shards scintillating all around them as they piled up on top of each other. Instinctively Lance grabbed Gil and crouched down, shielding us as the splinters crashed loudly on the ground. One large sliver plunged point first into his shoulder. He cried out, too preoccupied with me and Gil to remove it. I did it for him, provoking another yelp.

"We have to move!" I told him as I rapidly healed the cut.

Lance carried us off just in time to avoid being buried in live cadavers.

Gil tugged on my sleeve. "Sis, w-what's going on?"

"…This is why Rin didn't want us going out."

"Because of them?!"

We were set down by Lance, who then drew out Gáe Bolg. The wasted zombies moved sluggishly, but their sheer volume threated to completely inundate us. It was three against hundreds. I grit my teeth, unable to think up a good plan. Raido might have gotten us to the front, but outside more zombies pressed against the closed glass doors, arranged so that they'd pour out at a moment's notice. If only I had more runes in my repertoire.

"They're not contagious," I said, speaking from experience, "but if we get swamped, it's basically over."

The ones inside were making their way toward us. Lance began lopping heads off, though the bodies kept dragging across the floor. Gil screamed and hugged me tight. I shivered, feeling two clammy hands going up my leg. I booted the sallow-faced horror square in the jaw, sending a rotting eyeball flying out. After landing a dropkick on another that tried to stand, Lance backed against me.

"We can do this." My façade of confidence sounded appealing enough.

He nodded, tracing a straight line in the air: a rune. In an instant the ground beneath the zombies went slick with glistening and immeasurably slippery ice. They skidded around haphazardly, which would have been funny if they didn't keep falling from the ceiling. Soon there were enough of their wriggling bodies to cover a vast majority of the frostbitten floor; the uppermost zombies crawled over the ones on the bottom.

"It's not working!"

Hearing my words, Lance resumed the hack-and-slash method. I was helpless. Gil was paralyzed with fear. There wouldn't be any of our bodies left for Rin to find. Making it anywhere remotely close to the doorway required an attack like that of Saber's Excalibur, which obliterated everything in its path.

We were cornered between two marble pillars, standing abreast against the wall. Navigating the throng was high on nigh impossible without falling in. The teeth of one zombie sank into my knee and became stuck fast when the penetrated skin repaired itself. I thought I was going to throw up. Lance repaid me for earlier by yanking it out, pearly whites and all.

I tried not to let bad language fly out in front of Gil. "This is bad."

Gil sobbed hard, burying his head in my skirt. "I'm sorry! This never would have happened if it weren't for me."

"No, I let my guard down. It's my fault too."

The sad memories struck me afresh. I failed to protect Julius, now Gil, Lance, and even myself. Even if it wasn't entirely my burden, I shouldered the blame because there was no one else who deserved it.

"Hey, big sis…"

"Gil?"

"I wish I could have had more time with you and Lance and Rin."

Lance crouched down away from the zombies and pulled the two of us into his arms. Gil's tears fell freely as he broke down.

"It's not fair! It's not fair!" he wailed.

"I know it's not," I cooed. "It's not fair at all."

Subconsciously my fingers reached for Lance, touching his soft cheek. He looked closely at my face.

"It's not fair at all," I repeated.

The undead were upon us, eating into our space and hungering for a single bite of juicy flesh. I hugged Gil close, eyes squeezed shut; Lance did the same with me.

"It's not fair." Gil's voice started out low, slowly rising. "It's not fair. It's not fair! It's… not… fair!"

What happened next was absolutely beyond human comprehension. The zombies probably didn't know what hit them. It sounded like a machine gun pelting the mall floor a salvo of ammunition rounds. I heard death rattling in high soprano bursts accompanied by stone tiling being rent asunder, split into a million pieces. Then silence.

Before me lay a kingdom of rubble littered with countless swords anchored in the ground. Every zombie had gone still, torn limb from limb, a great deal looking like gory pancakes put through a grinder. A blade or two loomed over each one like a grand, unfitting grave marker.

"Impossible. What…?"

Lance helped me stand on my trembling legs. When I reached for Gil's hand, I got no response. He sat slumped over, stolid at best, a thousand-yard stare plastered on those youthful features. This was the nail in the coffin that rendered nugatory my attempts at protecting him from the truth. Even then, I hadn't an inkling of how this happened.

An inarticulate noise came out of my throat. I pointed at what remained of the exit instead.

Lance swept up our shell-shocked Gil and made his way through the metal labyrinth. I followed him, nearly slipping on some brains in the process. Tired of being evasive, I drew the weapons in my path from the ground with great ardor of task and collected them, careful not to cut myself. Maybe they'd serve us well in the future.

The entire front of the mall looked like a battered rampart, having collapsed in most places and permanently changed our enemy from undead to undoubtedly dead. Still holding Gil, Lance offered me a hand as we stepped gingerly over the wreckage.

Gil said nothing at all on our way home. This experience wrought even less desirably on him than I expected. My voice cut over his benumbed senses.

"Are you okay?"

I received a mechanical nod. Unconvinced, I cozied up to Gil with my head against Lance's armor. I offered my free hand to him.

He took it grudgingly, and that was when the over-pressurized floodgates burst open.

Poor kid.


	12. XII - Shield, Sword

We left Gil alone for the duration of the night. He isolated himself in a small church house located on the school grounds, hiding away from these people who dishonorably concealed their true nature and identity. I regretted not telling him sooner.

Lance and I went to the nurse's office in the meantime. He sat on a bed with me in his lap. I absentmindedly petted the furry pelt draped over his right shoulder, words misaligned, so miserable. It dizzied me to look for mistakes, going around and around whilst I snatched up the lies.

With a discontented sigh I stood up, but Lance took my wrist. I peered back at him before returning to his safety.

"This is the worst," I said. "Gil's traumatized and Rin refuses to so much as speak with me. God, I'm such an idiot. If only I could take back what happened, all of it. I can't fix this. I don't know how."

He stroked my hair. However, it offered little consolation.

"What do I do, Lance? There are still two more Servants out there who probably want to kill us. We're falling apart. Should you and I just leave and fight them…?"

The answer was unanimously no.

"Funny how sentimental I get." I gesticulated toward the wicker picnic basket Gil gave me. "I still have that stupid thing. …I wish things were the way they were before."

Although our previous situation wasn't exactly ideal, at least we had some semblance of contentment together. I started thinking that Lance, despite being an Alter Servant, was the sanest person here.

"It's getting late," I commented. "I'm going to get some shuteye, if you don't mind."

Lance shifted me from his lap to the bed. He stood there a moment, perplexed, like something was terribly amiss, and then pulled the sheets over my body like how my dad once did. I felt myself blushing.

"Thank you, Lance… Could you please stay here until I fall asleep?"

His hand enveloped mine as I drifted off.

Someone else's shook me awake not long after.

"Atosaki?"

"Gil…?"

"Atosaki, can I stay with you?" he pleaded. "I'm scared."

I lifted the blankets and allowed him to clamber in. "I'm sorry, Gil, that I let this happen."

"No, it's okay. Rin explained everything. The Holy Grail War, Alter Servants, magic…"

"She's not usually that blunt. Usually. I think she was just frustrated that she fell asleep waiting for us." I brushed some hair from his face, puckering my brow.

"I dunno."

"You're not hurt at all, are you? I can heal—"

"I know," he said. "Atosaki and Rin are mages, and Lancer is a Servant."

"He's not Lance anymore and I'm not your big sister?"

Gil shook his blond head. "Rin said it's not appropriate."

"Oh, forget about her."

"She said soon there will be only one Master left standing. Big sis has to kill or be killed."

My eyes watered. "I would never do that to you, ever. I'd rather die than hurt my little brother."

"Then Lance will disappear too."

I was in quite a quandary, unable to win with any argument.

"Don't worry. If I win the Holy Grail, I swear I'll bring back everyone who perished in the nuclear winter and this War."

"There's something else," Gil whispered. "Rin doesn't think I'm a Master."

"What?" I was shocked.

"When she looked at the swords you brought back, she recognized some and said that only a Servant is capable of producing them."

"She thinks you did that back at the mall?"

"Basically."

"W-well, it's okay, Lance is a Servant too," I argued.

"We won't come back, though. I'll never see you again."

"…You're right. I love you and Lance so much, I…"

"It's a different kind of love. You would sooner save Lance than me."

I gulped, not wanting to admit or deny it.

"That's alright. I see how you look at him. I'm tempted to say you wouldn't trade him for the world, but you're not doing that."

"I don't want to be selfish," I said as I held Gil tight. "The fate of the world is literally on our shoulders. We can make or break the human race."

He shuddered and I shut myself up.

"Do you think I have a Master out there?" he asked.

"Maybe."

"I hope it's not Rin."

I rubbed his back in a circular motion. "Don't worry too much. No matter what, I'll keep you safe. Get some rest."

"Okay."

I kept myself awake until I heard Gil's breath and heart slow. It was a peaceful, well-deserved sleep. I rose at some early hour and ate a meager breakfast of dry cereal for sustenance. The schoolbag filled with rune stones caught my attention. I snatched it up, being as stealthy as possible on my way to the archery range, scared of further provoking Rin's ire. Because Gil might dislike awakening alone, I decided I'd check up on him soon.

Learning the powers of each rune went quickly through trial and error. A great lot didn't do a thing, most likely attributed to my lacking experience. The first that produced any result was shaped like a butterfly drawn using straight lines. A very small, white ball of light appeared in my hands, growing larger when I concentrated on it. I cradled the orb like a baby and it warmed me to the core. Upon being released into the air, the glowing spherule drifted away like a cotton spore before snuffing out.

I scribbled the word "light" in permanent marker on the back of the rune stone. A brown leather quiver emptied of its arrows served as a container for usable runes. It became filled a bit more within an hour, although I received mostly poor results. One rune produced a spark of electricity, like a miniature lightning bolt. I could blast opponents to smithereens if it were bigger. Another dropped a baseball-sized hailstone on my foot.

Lance came into the archery range just as I unleashed a surge of water in his general direction, absolutely dousing him from head to toe. He looked like the butt of a squirt gun war gone terribly wrong.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry!"

Without a towel on hand, I glanced at the rune stone marked as "fireball" and considered drawing the uppercase sigma—a right-facing sideways W—in the air. Then again, the last thing I needed was to turn the guy into charcoal. I ran over to see if he was alright. When I got closer he started shaking his head with so much force that water droplets began flying every which way.

"Lance, stop! You're getting me all wet!" I laughed with hands up to ward him off.

He grinned in an obnoxiously playful way.

"Don't make me use that rune again," I said, poking him. "I almost forgot… Did you check on Gil at all?"

Lance nodded yes and then pointed to his mouth.

"Um, you ate him? Aha, kidding. Kiddo's had a morning meal, so I guess we're set…"

Apparently Lance noticed the rune-filled quiver fastened with a belt at my waist. He patted me on the back to commend my efforts.

"I want to make myself more useful," I said. "I want to protect my friends."

These words were received with someone's slow handclapping.

"Rin." I spotted her standing behind Lance.

"For being such a stupid Master, you've got some real drive there."

"Thanks, I guess."

If anything she was the master of backhanded compliments.

"I'm not angry at you, you know," she said.

"I never would've guessed."

Rin flipped her long, chocolaty hair over her shoulder. "Look, I don't like pointing fingers. We'll just work with what we've got."

"Then our plan of action should be to take down the last Servant." I stared hard at the ground. "I refuse to lay a hand on Gil no matter who he is."

"So he told you my presumption."

I dipped my head down. "What kind of Servant do you think he is?"

"Doesn't look like a Berserker, leaving him in the Archer class."

"Maybe he can teach me how to use those," I said in a lighthearted manner, pointing at a longbow mounted on the wall.

"It doesn't make sense to me though," she returned. "His abilities hardly match the class description. I mean, an Archer that uses swords?"

I shrugged, though yes, it would be strange to me if Lance didn't use some sort of pole weapon.

"Either way, a Berserker is going to be a tough opponent. Alter Servants are bad enough, but dark magic coupled with Berserker's nature make a deadly combination."

Lance grunted in resentment of that comment.

"You're fine," I added promptly. "I noticed a recurring pattern here. The Servants seem to target their Masters first. You don't suppose that Gil is your Servant, do you?"

She ignored me. "Finding Berserker shouldn't be so tough. They're usually big and conspicuous."

I dropped the subject. "Let's go west of the Mion River. We've spent a lot of time on the east side, so I'm guessing there's no Berserker around."

"I thought you weren't from around here," said Rin.

"I moved to Fuyuki just before the start of the destruction. I never ventured into Shinto from Miyama Town."

"That's where I lived," she professed.

"It didn't occur to me to ask," I said.

Rin appeared brazen. "This makes things just a little easier, then. Prepare to move out by noon."

"What about Gil?"

"Honestly, I think he should stay put. The protection around Tsukumihara should keep him safe and out of our hair."

"But—"

"No buts. If he's here, he can't do anything to us. If he goes out, he'll probably get himself killed. It's a win-win."

I hated when Rin got manipulative like that, but the things she said sort of made sense.

"Let me say something to him. Like… he has to hold down the fort or something."

"You can't protect him forever," said Rin.

"I can try."

The end of the Grail War was fast approaching and becoming heavier a reality than ever. Until the last breath, I swore to guard those dear to me with everything I had.

I would be the shield to their sword.


	13. XIII - Nameless

I thought I saw my own death rushing at me. I remembered very little, only that I could not outrun it. Everything happened so fast.

Rin and I had gone with Lance to actively seek out Berserker while Gil remained at Tsukumihara. Originally I'd opposed the idea, but we all wished for a quick resolution. And although I hated to admit it, there would only be one Master remaining in the end. Since it seemed the Alter Servants needed to be gone as well, finding Berserker pushed the process one step further along.

We found ourselves far west of the Mion River after trekking through numerous developmental and suburban areas. Rin seemed somewhat wistful about passing the foreign housing quarter, but we kept moving and ended up in a shopping district.

Everything was absolutely still, no signs of damage whatsoever. Surely a rampaging Servant would leave a trail, but then again, for our sake, I hoped to find him later than sooner.

"Rin," I said quietly as we walked through the empty streets. "Do you think Berserker's Master is still alive?"

"If they've been found by him already, probably not," she replied. "Though I have a feeling that with his power levels, he'll be able to sustain himself for a while."

While I never wished for anyone's death, having the Master, and by extension Berserker, out of the way would make things ten times easier. Those thoughts repulsed me, and I clung even tighter to my wish: to bring back everyone who died in the apocalypse and this War.

Perhaps I wouldn't survive until the end. I hoped Rin might carry on in my stead, but I hadn't any inkling as to what desires she held in her heart. Even then, if I allowed myself more selfishness, I would give Lance a second chance at life. His past, in my eyes, had been far too short and filled with tragedies. If I were to bring him back, surely he'd find happiness.

The back of Lance's hand nudged my shoulder. My heart ached just looking at him and knowing we'd eventually be apart. But this was the here and now, and I had to live in it.

"Lance…"

He stopped suddenly and backtracked to a boutique window, apparently interested in something. I ambled over and saw Lance beholding a few rows of sparkling jewelry. It wasn't in my ability to tell if the metals and gems were counterfeit or not, maybe Rin could, but I certainly found them beautiful.

Lance tapped on the glass, just above a platinum-gold ring with diamond accents and a round ruby for a center stone. I marveled at it (and his fine choice for that matter) a moment. Gently he took my hand as we went back to where Rin waited impatiently.

"Are you guys actually taking this seriously?" she asked.

"Of course!"

"Then get your head in the game." Rin knocked Lance's hand away from mine. "This is a War. There's no time for your sentimentality."

He started to growl, but I stopped him. "Rin's right. I know, I want more time too, but it's just too hard right now."

Lance turned away from me and snarled, hair bristling slightly.

"You alright…?"

Then I understood. The earth was trembling beneath us. Something came closer and closer, but we stood our ground.

A towering, statue-like giant of a man lumbered around the corner. Every footstep created a shockwave which rocked everything. He had a brutal face the color of coffee and long ashen hair sticking up at the top in spikes, wild and untamed. A metal-studded armor guard hung around his waist.

"Th-that's Berserker?" I cried.

"He's… bigger than I expected," admitted Rin.

I turned to Lance. "You know what to do."

Gáe Bolg appeared in his hands. He looked at me, sensing my apprehension.

"Please be careful."

Lance nodded, and he dashed at Berserker with spear thrust outward. The opposing Servant took no interest him, which I supposed was to our advantage. It seemed strange though, that, even as Lance leapt at him, he neither attacked nor defended. It looked like he was taking a walk through the park.

Lance's weapon continued unerring, scouring the flesh from the Berserker's ribcage as it pushed through his heart.

"A direct hit!" I shouted in my best commentator imitation.

"That can't be," murmured Rin. "Look…"

As Lance attempted to dislodge Gáe Bolg from Berserker's chest, a massive hand came down and swatted him away. Lance ended up being thrown against a building before landing unsteadily on his feet when he reached the ground.

He was completely unguarded. Gáe Bolg looked like a big stick in comparison to Berserker. I ran to where Lance was, tracing two obtuse triangles in the air, their tips pointed together. A blinding flash of light shot out from my finger and into Berserker's face.

"Now's your chanc—!"

What sounded like an explosion cut me off. I flew for a moment and then crashed through a window. Glass became embedded in my skin, and once I smashed into the ground I did my best to rip out the pieces before I healed. The jolting pain became more subdued, but my head throbbed and blood dripped onto the floor. I could hardly move.

That was when Berserker's fist hurtled closer. I thought I saw my own death rushing at me. I remembered very little, only that I could not outrun it. Everything happened so fast. A blaze of scarlet danced in front of me, and the killing blow was somehow repelled.

A man had saved my life, but not Lance. In his stead was a shirtless and barefoot Servant wearing tattered black pants and red cloth bound around his waist, arms and face. When he turned, I noticed that, like the Alter Servants, his eyes were obscured, this time by the wrappings. His bronze skin and white hair contrasted stunningly, and for a moment I could not help but notice his chiseled features.

A second punch retrieved my attention and forced him back. I worried he'd slip in my blood. I worried more about us getting pulverized by the next hit.

"We've got to move!"

The man turned, took me by the waist, and jumped down before a third strike demolished the level. Before we could land, Berserker snatched up my rescuer. I fell from his arms and below into Rin's. I realized Lance still hadn't retrieved Gáe Bolg, much to my dismay. There was little more he could do to stop Berserker without a weapon, and Rin's magic acted as little more than a distraction.

Berserker was beginning to crush the man in his fist. I could almost pinpoint the moment when his ribs cracked. Through the pain he grasped Gáe Bolg's shaft and threw it down. Lance grabbed it and sprung at Berserker's face, its tip going in and out of his eye cleanly. Berserker staggered and dropped the man. Blood spewed from his mouth upon hitting the street. His sides looked so compressed that I was almost sure his organs had sustained damage. I hurried to him even as Rin warned against it.

When I reached his side, he immediately shoved me away and I fell backward. Along with a hoarse cough, he spat out more red fluid.

"Come on, come on," I urged, taking him by the arm.

Rin waved her arms. "Leave the damn Servant. He's going to die anyway."

"No," I asserted and hoisted him onto my back.

"He'll slow you down, idiot!"

"Hang in there," I whispered, both to him and myself.

On the spur of the moment Lance took the other Servant from me and slung him over his shoulder.

"Lance… Thank you."

He pushed me along, and with Rin we ran as far out of Berserker's sight as possible. A well-built European-style abode from the foreigners' district was chosen as a hiding place. I wondered why Rin seemed so subdued. She took the lead and went hurriedly past a dusty living room decorated with fine furniture, then showing us a basement workshop. I marveled at the many scrolls, books, and other ephemera collected there.

I noticed Rin's disquiet. "…This is your house, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she said distantly.

"We'll make everything go back to the way it was."

"You can't fix this for me. My parents died before the devastation. They won't ever come back."

I bit the inside of my cheek. I never entertained the idea that Rin lived alone. She was a product of her solitude, becoming a strong and independent young woman. I on the other hand turned out less than self-sufficient.

Rin changed the subject. "How can there be eight Servants? If that giant is Berserker and Gil is Archer, who's this? Unless he's actually Archer and Gil is really a Master… But Gil, with those powers…?"

Lance placed down the unknown Servant on a work bench. I watched him laboring to breathe. My heart contracted painfully.

"Hold on." I ran my fingers through his spiky ivory hair. "Just wait a little longer."

I moved my palm to his abdomen. Bits of golden energy gathered around me, swirling freely, uncontrolled. Concentrating hard, I willed the particles into one stream. It arced over me and the Servant until reaching the pinnacle of its height. The soaring wave of energy then crashed down like the surf.

His muscles went tight under my hand before relaxing. I pulled away and found his features calm. Though he was skittish at first, I helped him sit up.

"Are you okay?"

He understood, nodding yes.

"I'm guessing you don't know what kind of Servant you are."

The look he gave me was so naïve that I didn't know what else to say.

I studied him closely, taking note of his white locks. "Well, since we don't know your name… I'm going to call you Shiro. It's the Japanese word for your hair color."

Something told me he liked it.

"What?" An incredulous Rin thumped my head. "Stop giving Servants stupid nicknames!"

"No way!" I said in good humor.

"You're impossible."

"Ha, very funny. So, Shiro, I want to introduce you to everyone. I'm Atosaki. He's Lance. And that's Rin."

Shiro's gaze lingered on Rin. She crossed her arms defensively. "What're you looking at, No Name?"

"Rin, don't be rude."

"It took me long enough getting used to Lancer over here, but this is ridiculous." After slandering Shiro a bit more, Rin left the underground room in favor of someplace uncrowded.

Shiro expressed sadness in the way he watched her go. I wanted to encourage him.

"Don't worry. Rin's a bit… difficult at times, but she'll warm up to you."

Despite a cynical outer appearance, he looked at me with this kindness I hadn't seen before.

"Are you maybe… Rin's Servant?"

He considered that without really grasping the idea of Servants.

"I'm glad you're nice," I said. "Just like Lance!"

Lance nodded.

"I think it's the best thing when Servants don't, well, kill their Masters. The hardest part is just when we… Oh, forget about that. All's fair in love and war! Let's fight hard, okay?"

Keeping with the upbeat tone, I pumped a fist in the air, Lance doing the same. Shiro tried too, only with less energy.

"That's the spirit," I said.

My smile turned melancholy. How on earth would we beat a monster like Berserker? Even with two Servants, he was ridiculously overpowered. I wondered why Gáe Bolg failed to kill him, remembering how easily it had dispatched Rider. Unless he had invincibility… I paled at the thought.

Saying that this would be a tough fight was an understatement.


	14. XIV - Going Out On a Limb

"Ow, ow…! That hurts…"

A pile of glass splinters extracted from my shoulder blades heaped on the dining room table. Lance cringed every time I pulled one out.

"Seriously, of all the things Berserker could do, he throws me into a window?" I tossed the pair of tweezers on the table and slid out of my chair. At least I was lucky enough to still be in one piece. "I'm gonna have to ask Rin for new clothes. And Gil bought this outfit for me… I think it's still salvageable though."

While so busy talking to Lance I ended up bumping against Shiro, who had been coming in through the door. His exposed front was just so toned and prominent that I couldn't help but feel embarrassed.

"M-maybe you should put a shirt on," I suggested to the white-haired Servant, trying to hide my blushing.

He peered at me through the red blindfold covering his eyes. Obviously he had little concept of appearance or clothes. It seemed his mind was even more compromised than Lance's. I understood the price they paid by being summoned as Alter Servants and wondered what they would've been like under normal circumstances.

"Hey, I never thanked you for saving me. You had no reason to, but you did anyway. S-so, thanks."

Shiro said nothing in response. I noticed that his cheek looked a bit bruised against the tan of his skin. My healing should have fixed that.

"You haven't by any chance walked in on Rin, have you?"

He rubbed the spot where Rin probably punched him.

"You're kind of funny," I said with a laugh.

He looked slightly taken aback by the sound.

"Guess there's a lot you forgot, huh."

How did it so happen that the two Alter Servants I befriended turned out to be really handsome guys? Despite being given to violence, they were very sweet on the inside, acting with childish innocence at times. That was why I held a lot of affection for them both.

As I squeezed around him, Shiro reached out and tugged at my sleeve, using his other hand to point down the hall.

"What's up?"

Without answering, he began to lead me in that direction.

"Lance," I called, "would you clean up for me, please?"

He nodded as I followed Shiro out. I went with him up a long staircase which led to the second floor and walked down a corridor lined with open doors on either side. Only one at the end was closed.

"Is that where Rin is?"

I knocked gently on the wood. A sniffle came from the inside before I got a response.

"Who is it?"

"Me, Atosaki."

"…Come in."

"Is it okay if I bring Shiro too?"

"Whatever."

I turned the doorknob and found Rin seated on an ornate-looking bed, eyes full of tears.

"What's wrong?" I'd never seen her in such a state.

"Nothing!" she exclaimed, wiping away the exposed weakness.

"You can talk to me," I said, situating myself on the mattress. "I mean, if you want."

"…It just hit me all of a sudden. I miss my parents," she confessed. "I miss them like crazy, especially my father. And then I started thinking about the Grail and what you said about your wish. All I wanted before I met you was to bring them back. Even after all this happened. Isn't that stupid? Even though I knew I'd be with them while the entire world went to ruin… I didn't care."

"I don't think that's stupid. I might not be in your exact position, but I understand a ton of what you're going through. It's human to feel that way. If the Grail can grant any wish, I think we'd like to use it, if we could, to give us what's important, who we love."

Rin eyed Shiro, who stood motionless in the doorway, and turned back to me. "Well, I know what you want, Atosaki."

I smiled sadly. "Of course. You know me too well."

"You really love him."

"…Yeah."

Shiro approached us cautiously.

"Not talking about you," grumbled Rin.

He leaned over and wrapped his arms around us both.

"W-what're you doing?" Rin demanded as she fought back.

"I think he's sad because we are," I said softly.

She stopped struggling, and for a moment we merely sat there, being embraced, gently touched by the void of our own sorrows.

The roar of Berserker snapped me from those memories. We faced him yet again in a similar venue as the last, but with more room between us and the buildings. I had no idea what made us think we could win. Maybe it was because we had two Servants on our side this time and we knew what we were up against, but the enemy scared me immensely. The longer he fought, the scarier he began to look, in a literal sense. Spikes grew from his elbows and on his body, making things ten times more treacherous for Lance and Shiro.

Rin and I felt helpless to do anything, relegated to standing by idly. Our resources had been exhausted even after restocking at the house, and Berserker's power clearly outmatched ours by a long shot. Even though Shiro fought barehanded, he held his own against Berserker, actually able to catch and repulse a few punches thrown at him.

However, things weren't looking to be in our favor. With Shiro's help, Lance caught Berserker in the chest with Gáe Bolg once more, doing so in a very premeditated manner this time. Berserker fell to one knee as Lance pulled away with his spear. We thought we'd made some progress. And then he stood again, seething with rage.

"This is ridiculous," growled Rin, who racked her brain for an answer. "How the hell is he surviving Lancer's attacks?!"

I didn't have a sure answer, but I offered one anyway. "It would probably take some sort of full-blown force to finish the job. Either that or we kill him so hard so many times that he dies to death. Right now, I think we're just aggravating him."

"We must cross him out at all costs. He's the last and biggest threat."

"I—oh no."

Berserker held Shiro in one hand and Lance in the other. I hadn't been paying enough attention to know how that happened. It looked like he was holding a pair of large-scale dolls. Now he was beating them together.

"Alright, I'll take him down or die trying!" I yelled and made a mad dash for Gáe Bolg, which lay on the ground a small distance away from Berserker's feet.

"Atosaki, have you gone insane?"

"You think?!"

I stooped down as I lifted Gáe Bolg, running on until I stood with Berserker looming over me. I did the most insane thing possible; I drew a rune I'd studied using the spearhead and rammed it into his instep, enough magic supplied to my muscles that it almost went out the arch of his foot.

The howl he gave was awful. I reeled Gáe Bolg back in and ran far back, quickly checking to see that Lance and Shiro had landed without too much damage. They must have had pretty hard skulls since their brains didn't seem to be bashed in, although blood ran in rivulets down both their faces.

"Lance!" I called, throwing Gáe Bolg through the air.

He caught it easily and gave me the thumbs-up. I examined Shiro. I wanted to scream. In place of his left arm was a gushing red stump. Berserker still had the torn-off appendage in his hand.

"S-Shiro, hurry, come here and let me… let me help…" I had to pull myself together. "Lance, I need you to stall Berserker for as long as possible. Don't try any death strikes right now, that pisses him off."

They both did as I said. Shiro fell to his knees upon reaching me. When my fingers touched Shiro's shoulder he jolted away, causing him more pain and more blood to pour out.

"Breathe, breathe," I told him. "Let me try this."

I put my hands above where his arm should have been, gingerly as humanly possible. My energy congregated at the point of contact. He grit his teeth as his cuts and bruises healed, but the bleeding from his shoulder barely stopped. The more energy I poured out the more agonizing it seemed to get for him, until he screamed and lashed out at me with a fist.

I hit the back of my head on the pavement, my nose running red and feeling out of alignment. It barely hurt thanks to all that blocked healing energy and corrected itself immediately. I cradled my head in my hands, growing desperate. If Shiro could no longer fight, we had almost no chance of winning. Not to disregard Lance's considerable power, Berserker was just too great an opponent. But why did I think about that when Shiro was in such a condition?

"I'm sorry," I said, sitting back up. "Please, just a little more."

Shiro's good hand touched my cheek. He must have felt bad for breaking my nose.

"It's okay." I wiped at it with the back of my new gray shirring sweater, which had been borrowed from Rin. "I know how much it hurts. I have to stop the wound from bleeding out any more."

I gently sandwiched his shoulder between my hands and began the process over. Mending the torn ligaments was probably the hardest part. The massive amount of blood lost probably didn't help either.

Rin was now fighting alongside Lance, using bursts of energy and the jewels she'd collected from the basement in conjunction with his stabs.

"Shiro," I said, slowly recomposing myself as I healed him. "Thank you for staying with us. Don't lose hope. I know we can win this."

He drove himself headfirst through the pain, somewhat soothed by my words. I tried to distract him more.

"I'm sure Rin really appreciates you working so hard. She told me that even though we just met, you're a part of our team." I turned, and thought of something so crazy that I, as Rin did, questioned my sanity. "Hey, you guys! Get Shiro's arm back."

"Wait… what?" Rin looked at me like I'd grown a second head.

"I'm serious," I said. "I might be able to graft it back on."

"That'll take a ridiculous amount of energy," said Rin, unleashing a hazy black orb on Berserker's chest.

"I know. I want to give it a shot, though."

"What if you don't recover?" she argued.

"Hey, as long as I don't die things are fine."

Lance slammed into Berserker with his whole body, rocking him slightly to one side. Rin gripped something in her hand.

"I'm risking this ten-million-yen jewel for you!"

It flew forward like a bullet, striking Berserker square in the face and combusting instantaneously. He tilted slightly backward, a ghost-white trail of steam curling up from where he was hit. Lance had just enough time to leap up and slice at his wrist. Shiro's severed arm went flying.

"Crap…!"

It hit me in the face. I shrieked as I juggled it in the air like a hot potato. Blood leaked all over my shirtfront just at the movement of me crouching down.

"Shiro!"

I pressed the two bloody ends together, causing him what I knew to be excruciating pain. I closed my eyes, gripped tightly the arm by the bicep and envisioned myself fusing it back with Shiro's body. I imagined him whole again.

This had to be the most rigorous healing I'd done since that time Lance fought with Caster. Something hit me, hard, as if a guillotine laterally cut my body into two parts. I was losing function of my entire left side. I could have been spewing guts everywhere without seeing it.

I let out a choked gasp, lurching forward, nearly dropping the limb. With one thrust of the shoulder my left hand flopped atop Shiro's shoulder and held tighter using the other what I sought to reattach.

An odd, steady humming noise came from nowhere, somewhat sounding like air was being forced out a narrow opening. I realized I'd been making it with my lips. The agony suddenly increased tenfold for both of us. Through blurred vision I saw the severed arm melting back into the joint of the upper forelimb. It barely needed any support. Good thing, because my right half was going too.

"S-Shiro…" I murmured, now almost entirely paralyzed, "fight hard."

Everything tilted sideways before fading out.


	15. XV - Paradise Lost

Where could I go? Who could I turn to? What could I do, if tomorrow never came?

Deeper in, I went deeper in. They vanished. They turned. They died. I traded away a shattered yesterday and passed empty graves.

Nobody wanted to disappear like that. Nobody welcomed death. Answers rang out, cryptic, unparalleled. I did not fully grasp them. Nobody did.

That nightmare again. Running slowly. Reaching but not touching. Had I been in front of them or behind them, or at their sides? All of it, a blur. My mother and father, gone. No trace. No bodies. No one at all.

"Don't leave me.

"Don't leave me.

"Don't leave me."

"We won't."

I rejected the indelible memories inked on my eyes. I opened them.

Around where I lay on a Tsukumihara infirmary bed stood four people: a girl dressed in red, a small boy, a man with blue hair and another with white.

My friends.

"You alright, big sis?" Gil asked tentatively.

"Y-yeah," I murmured, trying to recollect my memories. "Sh-Shiro! Your arm…"

The bronze-skinned male showed me his left hand without showing any emotion before abruptly patting my head. I smiled.

"I'm so glad. B-but, Berserker?"

"We got him. It took a while," Rin said, "but we 'killed him so hard so many times that he died to death.'"

"Oh yeah." I remembered those nonsensical things I'd said and done. "Good job, you guys."

"You were out cold for a couple days," Rin continued, "had Lancer here worried sick."

At the mention of his name, he approached and knelt down by the bedside.

"Lance, I..."

He took my hand and kissed it gently. I said nothing as his arms surrounded me.

"Lance," I said in a soft voice. "Let's go out today, all of us. Somewhere. Anywhere."

"Atosaki, you…" I knew Rin was about to say 'save your strength.' She was well aware that our days of peace were dwindling fast. "We'll give you a moment to take care of yourself."

Lance let me go rather reluctantly before leaving the room with the others. My brain then switched to autopilot. I had no desire to think about the future. Anything but that. I couldn't imagine our group—our family—being ripped apart by the end of the War. As time went on, I got to thinking, and it was not good.

A fight between Lance and Shiro was inevitable. Only when one Servant remained would the Grail appear. Even worse, we had no idea if Gil was a Master or a Servant. I prayed he was really Berserker's Master, but with the strange powers he exhibited, he sounded more like an anomaly than anything else: an eighth Servant.

A chill went down my spine, and not because of the partially open window. I pulled on a pink dress adorned with ribbons, taking long breaths to clear my head. As I raised myself up from the bed, I noticed something small and brown sitting atop a filing cabinet. I stared intently at the acorn Lance had given me. I knew where I wanted to go.

"Wow, they have a playground and everything!"

Gil ran across the riverside park, spinning around while trying to take it all in. Shiro followed him as he hurried toward a metal swing set.

"Guess that leaves me to watch the kids." Rin looked at me, her eyes sparkling. "Have fun, you two."

She made it sound like this was my first date with Lance. I turned and found him gone.

"Hey, don't stand me up!"

He reappeared behind the trunk of a large maple tree near the riverbank, motioning for me to come over. Once I reached his side, he covered my eyes with one hand and put the other at my back.

"You're up to no good, aren't you?"

I thought I heard him snicker or something to that effect. Lance walked me forward a few steps and then turned me to my left, guiding me a few more. Finally, he pulled his hand back.

A small parterre sprawled ahead of us, perfumed by a wide array of vibrant flowers. The garden seemed to have been overtaken by nature, its beds filled to the brim with greenery. Considering all the obstacles the Grail had presented us, seeing this was like a miracle.

I bent down and sniffed the pale, delicate blossoms of a happily flowering plant, my eyes shut, ears tuned only to the murmur of river water. After a moment, I heard the crunch of footsteps. Lance walked the graveled path, admiring everything he saw. I somehow pictured him as a good gardener or florist. My heart sank a bit. I knew he'd never be either.

Emotion surged through me. I wanted to express my feelings, but I ran the risk of coming off as clingy and annoying and idiotic. If only I had more time, if only this moment didn't feel like goodbye. If only.

Lance pulled me into his arms. I sighed contentedly upon faintly hearing his heartbeat. I didn't know it was even possible to love someone this much. His presence alone warmed me to the core. My heart sang. All I needed in that moment was him.

"Lance, I love you."

Those words simply slipped out. I thought them many, many times without saying anything out loud. Actually hearing it was a cathartic experience. I longed to receive a reply, one in his voice, but I knew what it would have been.

Lance's hand caressed my cheek. I didn't dare look up at him. I couldn't kiss him, not now. I'd never be able to let him go.

"Remember this?"

I brought my hands up between him and me, the acorn held between thumb and forefinger. He nodded happily.

"Let's plant it," I said. "So in the new world it can grow big and tall as proof of what we did together."

As I worked on digging near a flowerbed, Lance came over and showed me a collection of five flower petals in his hands. I noticed their colors: blue, pink, red, yellow, and white. He pointed at the blue petal and then himself, the pink petal and then me. I followed his hand as it directed my gaze to where Rin, Gil, and Shiro were. I realized that those colors stood for us.

"You think of the sweetest things," I told him.

The two of us finished the hole and had the acorn resting snugly at the bottom. Lance put the petals inside with it. I would have said it looked like a funeral had this been a less tender occasion.

"So we'll always be together."

We left the garden holding hands. Apparently everyone else had spent their time at the playground. I spotted Rin and Gil on the swings with Shiro pushing both of them simultaneously.

"Having fun?" I asked, fingers still entwined with Lance's.

"That's my line!" said Rin.

Gil gave a chortle. "My big sisters are funny!"

Even Shiro looked amused.

These were the moments I lived for, longed for, and would never forget. We smiled and laughed and played for hours. The War should have been over. This could have been paradise.

Whatever rose and reached its pinnacle only fell from there.

I only ever had nightmares about seeing Tsukumihara Academy in ruins. I considered it our home. I stared through bleary eyes at its dripping remains. The entire main building, caked in a thick layer of black sludge, appeared to have collapsed in on itself. Even the smaller structures around the campus were either buried or torn apart or both. Coated bits of brick and glass lay strewn everywhere.

Gil peered out from behind me, trembling slightly. "How did this happen?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "I really don't know."

"W-we should keep moving," said Rin. "The sun's going to set soon, and the last thing we need is—"

"G… Gil…!"

I was desperate to retain grasp of what sought escape from me, my hand around his little wrist. The black mud had erupted from the ground without noise and without warning. It spread beneath Gil's feet like a sandpit trap, pulling me in with him. It was like a whirlpool and a sinkhole at once, slowly churning, slowly growing deeper. I looked around. Lance, Rin and Shiro were all trapped as well. The seemingly soft mud had us immobilized.

"I'm sorry!" Gil sobbed. "Big sis, everyone, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"Gil, listen," I said calmly, "it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."

He was slipping from me.

"We're not going to die. We've come too far for that. It's just another trick from the Grail."

"Big sis…!"

I lost Gil's hand. Tears flooded down his grimy cheeks.

"I promised I'd protect you," I reminded him.

His face was being covered up, mine as well. He could no longer speak, but I could. I swiveled my head to show Lance a wan smile.

"I promised."

With one final gulp of air, my head went under.

_I promised._

My breath and my promise, I held them both, even in this suffocating darkness. I sank farther down, compacted within layers of black mud. I'd only expend more oxygen necessary by trying to move. And so I waited to come out somewhere.

_I promised._

Gil and the others had to be alright. I was alright, therefore they were as well. Maybe I should have kissed Lance back at the garden. What a stupid thing to think. I started getting lightheaded. My healing wasn't something that could fix oxygen deprivation, was it?

I imagined Lance's arms around me. Gil would be holding my hand with Rin and Shiro standing by on either side. We'd be together again, in either life or death. If we died here, who would win the Grail? I wondered. An end without a new beginning. I wanted to prevent it, but I had to let go.

The burst of air from my lungs was accompanied by a burst of light. I was falling, falling until I hit something soft and sticky. Enclosed by glowing, gently pulsating stone walls, I looked up at the dripping ceiling, praying everyone else would get through safely.

Rin fell out first. Shiro landed somewhere near her. And Lance, he nearly came down on top of me. We both lay spread-eagled in the muck, close enough that our hands nearly touched.

"L-Lance," I murmured after a few minutes, dizzy. "Where's Gil?"

His fingers found mine.

"Lance," I repeated. "Where's Gil?!"

Rin crawled over to me, followed by Shiro.

"He has to be here somewhere. Let's look," I said, panicked. "Please, help me."

I rolled over and plunged both hands into the mud, finding a slightly firmer, peaty layer of the same substance not far below.

"There's no way he could be—" Rin started to say, but Shiro shook his head. Lance whimpered softly.

"D-dammit." I slammed my fist into the mire. "Gil... I promised him…"

I didn't have time to cry for him. A heavy silence fell over us all as something began bubbling in the center of the room. And then a black mass emerged.

It looked human in form but without any distinguishable features, much like a ghostly shadow figure. Its body was hunched over so that it appeared slightly taller than Lance and Shiro, but if it stood to its full height, it would have reached at least nine feet. A malignant black fog rolled off it in coils.

"What is that?" Rin stared at it in horror.

"The… eighth Servant?"

It suddenly glided across the floor until its dark, blank face hovered before mine, staring right at me without eyes. I paled. It reached out with bony, mud-soaked fingers and touched my cheek, head tilted to the side, like it was examining me.

"H-hello," I said nervously.

It retreated back a step, turning from me. I made no sudden movement. Without warning, it swung back around, striking me in the abdomen with a long appendage. I fell backward into the mud with the wind knocked out of me.

As it trudged toward me, closer and closer, a familiar face emerged from its chest. He smiled at me, crimson eyes wide with madness.

"Hello, big sis."


	16. XVI - Judgment, Wrath, Reckoning

The sense of terror and the sense of dread: both indescribable. I didn't know what else to think. How was this happening? It couldn't be. No, I wouldn't believe it. Not Gil. Anyone but him.

"Hello, big sis," he said from within his towering spectral body.

"G-Gil, what…?"

He laughed like a madman.

"So that's it. Gil. Big sis. Or should I say, Atosaki Kurokawa." The sound of his voice was suddenly cruel and domineering, deeper than what I was used to. "I am the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh. It would do you well to remember it. Now stand before I kill you."

The smile on Gil's childish face didn't fit. It belonged to someone else. I didn't recognize it. This was an Alter Servant.

"Gil…gamesh. King of Heroes. Whoever you are, I don't want to fight."

"Who said anything about fighting?" The vapor surrounding him grew thicker until becoming almost palpable. "I'm playing for keeps."

A jagged glaive rose from the mist, levitating for a moment before its point tilted toward me.

"Each and every one of you is going to die here," Gilgamesh said, slowly withdrawing into the chest of his shadow form, "and the Holy Grail will be mine."

"Wait, Gil—!"

I blinked once and found myself being scooped up in Lance's arms. The sword from before was now lodged in the wall behind me.

"It's no use!" yelled Rin. "The Gil we know is gone."

"How can you say that?!"

Shiro dropped into a defensive position, a pair of twin longswords covered in feather-like splinters, one black and one white, now in his hands.

I looked up at Lance imploringly. He had Gáe Bolg drawn.

"I said I'd never let anything happen to him!"

"That's not Gil anymore," Rin repeated, chanting something beneath her breath that created an aura around both Lance and Shiro.

I lowered my head as Lance placed me down, finding no point in arguing further. And so they charged, two Servants against one.

As their weapons came down upon the target, a massive, ornate dome-shield bloomed around its body. The first strike bounced back like it was nothing.

Rin's face went ghost-white. "Both of them… even with magic amplification…"

I gritted my teeth, about to say something when countless swords sprang forth from the mud beneath our feet, threatening to skewer us on their tips. Helpless to do anything, I could only stare as they caught Rin in the shoulder and forced Shiro to hack them away. The steel of one blade had gone through Lance's side. My breath caught in my throat.

"Lance!" I ran to him, only to be halted by what felt like a tendril wrapped around my entire body. I saw it, the condensed snake of mist which held me back.

"Are you serious?" asked Gilgamesh's muffled voice as the shield fell away from him. "I'm barely getting started."

"Please stop!" I cried. "Gil, this isn't you!"

"No, it's not."

The mist congregated around one sword and lifted it up. I struggled as it floated toward me and then thrust cleanly through my thigh. I yelped at the sight of my own splashing blood, though I felt almost no pain.

"Oh, scream louder. Die slower. I'll have fun with this one." He giggled gleefully, his words rising and falling at odd intervals, like he was coming completely undone.

The point of the sword traveled up to my belly and touched there before pulling back, ready to strike. I knew what was coming, and my internal organs didn't like it. I cringed.

Lance let out a bone-chilling cry as he ran toward Gilgamesh's towering form, spear drawn up. He didn't even flinch. A countless number of weapons flew out from the black fog and gouged Lance's entire body even as he tried to dodge, his blood spewing everywhere. My eyes widened as he fell in the mud. All I could see were sword hilts sticking up from the mist. He didn't rise again.

I screamed louder than I'd ever done before. Shiro and Rin rushed Gilgamesh as well, only to be stopped in their tracks by a storm of hurtling weapons. Shiro immediately cast his black and white swords aside and raised one hand, a seven-layered shield of bright red energy forming around it, protecting both him and Rin. A number of the oncoming projectiles were stopped by the first level, but more kept coming and broke down the barriers, one by one, until the seventh had nearly been breached.

A strange impulse took me over like an insanity trigger. I did not stop to think, I merely acted. I yanked my right hand free of the mist coil and drew something like the letter P in the air.

_"Thurisaz,"_ my voice said, completely disconnected from my brain.

What looked like a dimensional rift was torn open in the dripping ceiling of the room accompanied by a crash of thunder. Lightning fulminated around the head of Gilgamesh's monstrous body, the heat steadily rising. One tremendous bolt ripped down into the room, split air at a molecular level and utterly tore the enemy apart.

There was a blinding flash of light and everything stopped. The swords hammering Shiro's nearly broken shield fell limply into the mud. The mist binding me dissipated as the black fog cleared. Gilgamesh was nowhere to be seen.

Shiro lay sprawled over Rin, his entire right side burnt to a crisp. I didn't know if they were alive or not. And then I saw Lance. I fell to my knees and dragged myself over to him. He had gone face-down in the mud, oxidized blood marbling its surface. Swords protruded from his body at every angle. He wasn't breathing.

I produced a strangled sob as I took hold of all I could, his hand. "H-hey Lance. Hang in there. Let me heal you."

Even after unleashing the last rune, I poured my heart and soul into trying to save him. My concentration wavered when he didn't stir.

"Lance," I said quietly, touching his shoulder armor. "I think it's over. You can wake up now."

No movement. I would do anything to see his face, but I couldn't turn him over.

"Lance," I urged, stroking his soft hair. "Please, don't do this to me."

And still, my Lance said nothing. Tears were streaming down now, cutting through the grime and blood on my cheeks. I wailed, throwing myself over him. He couldn't be dead. It couldn't end this way. In that moment, in my grief, I no longer cared about the Grail. I stopped thinking about Rin and Shiro and Gil. I only saw Lance.

My entire being strained to salvage a single spark of life, and yet nothing came to fruition. I cried and cried until my nose ran and my mouth dripped. I held him closer.

"Lance, you can't die! I love you, you can't die. I love you too much."

"Well, isn't that sweet?"

The mud beneath me swelled and dragged me away from Lance. I was thrown against the wall, arms outspread, pinned there by the viscous substance. A column of sludge shot up by Lance's side and took on an impression of Gil's form, only taller, perhaps older. I could still see the outlines of his young face.

"What a pain," he said, cocking his muddy head to one side. "Oh well. It looks like I'm the last one standing."

"How could you do this? How could you?!"

"Because I can," he drawled, pulling up something long from the mud. It had a grip and a hand guard like a normal edged weapon, but in place of a blade was a cylindrical, drill-shaped pillar, divided into three segments and inscribed with harsh red patterns. "Are you even worth sullying my treasure?"

I smelled salt on my face, but with my arms plastered to the wall, I could neither hide nor wipe at the blood, sweat and tears. "Stop it. Just stop! Lance, please, come back. Rin, Shiro, please."

"Shut up," he said, pointing his sword at me. "At least I can kill you before I attain the Grail."

"And what would you wish for?" I asked derisively.

"Nothing really. The Grail's a treasure. Therefore, it belongs to me."

I almost choked on my own saliva. "You're not him. You're not Gil at all! He would never, ever say something like that. He would want us to be happy again. Don't you remember?"

The three segments of his blade began to rotate independently, the middle segment spinning clockwise, the top and bottom the other way.

My head lolled to one side. I didn't have the energy to support it. So this was how the world ended, at the hands of somebody that I used to know. Humanity had no future. My loved ones were gone. I'd never be with Lance. I'd never kiss his lips that way I wanted to.

"So be it. Enjoy your so-called treasure, King of Nothing," I said. "I know my death won't haunt you, but Gil will never let you forget. He is our memory. He stands for our love and our friendships. I hope… I hope…"

I didn't know where I was going with this. I hoped he'd be cursed. I hoped he'd die alone and miserable. I hoped he'd go to hell. I hoped a lot of things.

"I hope we can all meet again, Gil," I said with a tearful smile.

Gilgamesh swung his sword. I closed my eyes.

I heard an odd squelching noise, like the sound fresh mud made when tread upon. There was no pain. I stared in shock at the large clawed hand which now squished Gilgamesh's head against the ground. It was the same shape and the same figure, the werewolf who first appeared at the church and, later, nearly killed me after battling Saber.

"L-Lance...!"

I could hardly believe it. He was still alive. His lupine form breathed heavily, the swords still lodged in his body. Although the face was not human, I saw only the man I loved shining through. He looked at me like he understood. I inclined my head.

Lance howled before slamming Gilgamesh against the wall across from me. For a moment I stared stupidly at his ponytail, wondering if it compensated for his lack of a real tail. I tried to distract from the wretched screams that sounded like Gil's. The black mud retreated from my body, traveling to the where those two fought.

I stumbled over to Shiro and Rin, desperately seeking life. I found them breathing, and so I blindly healed both of them without truly knowing what I was doing. They were alive and that was all that mattered. We were going to win. I knew we would. Gilgamesh must have received substantial damage from Thurisaz, and now Lance could exact revenge for what was done to him before. And yet…

I turned. I didn't know how it had happened, but it reminded me horribly of last time. Lance had Gilgamesh pushed up against the bricks, wolf snout hovering inches from his face. Gilgamesh's right arm and sword were both lost somewhere in the mud. Gáe Bolg was at his throat. He was bleeding and defenseless and reverted to his normal form, which looked just like Gil, with a blue tank top and camouflage pants, just as he'd been when I first met him.

"Damn you, Atosaki Kurokawa!" he screamed at me, incensed, eyes ablaze. "Damn you and your beast!"

I stood on shaky legs and fumbled over. My eyes were blank. I didn't feel anything when I saw him in that state. He deserved it. He deserved to die like this. I wanted to kill him myself. Lance pulled his spear away a fraction as I went for Gil's neck.

I put my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, Gil," I whispered. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise to you. I said I'd never let anyone hurt you, yet… God, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Silence. Absolute silence.

"...It's alright, big sis. I'm sorry too, for what happened. That doesn't even cover it. But there's no time, you have to kill me. Quickly."

I sobbed into his only good shoulder.

"I'm scared," he continued in a soft voice. "I can't see anything, not even you. But big sis, your hugs are always so warm."

"No, Gil, I…"

"I really loved spending time with you and Lance and Rin and Shiro. I don't think we'll ever see each other again, but I'll always remember you. I'm just so tired. I think I need to sleep now."

I pulled away gently, staring into the boy's sweet little face. I touched his cheek. I kissed him there. "Goodnight, Gil. I love you."

"Love you too, big sis," he said, eyes closed.

I turned away as Lance did the deed.

The eighth Servant, the anomaly, the boy I proudly called my little brother, was gone.

* * *

_I think I hurt my feels a little lot. Sorry for delirium and rushed writing. Doesn't help that I have food poisoning right now. If you have the time, please let me know how I'm doing so far!_


	17. XVII - When, Not If

I noticed my fingers trembling as I reached for Lance's face, whether out of joy or anticipation I was unsure. The sea breeze winnowed its way through his deep blue hair. His pale white skin glowed against a high noon sun.

Finally I touched the visor concealing his eyes, eyes I had never seen before, the last and most enigmatic piece of the puzzle.

"Lance… may I?"

Last night I wouldn't have guessed we'd be standing here like this on the docks where we first met. Last night I thought we were all going to die. Last night I believed I'd lost Lance for good. After the struggle, things actually fell in our favor, much to my vast surprise. We were somehow teleported from the mud room back to Tsukumihara, which had miraculously reverted to its usual, pristine state, as if the earlier destruction may have never even occurred.

I recalled pulling swords from Lance's body, so many that it looked like he was made of them. He remained in his half-man, half-wolf form during our rigorous healing session, perhaps his physical endurance stronger in that state.

Taking into consideration the massive amounts of damage sustained, things weren't pretty. Through all that pain he did not make a noise. I knew he was trying to be considerate of Rin and Shiro, who had probably come as close to dying as he did, while they rested. If anything, should the resolve that kept him quiet have broken, he would not be able to make only a small noise; he would be howling.

Even once his wounds were stitched up he had yet to change back. I didn't say anything or ask why. Secretly I thought he looked adorable that way. I went to pet him but hesitated in recognition of my discourtesy. Lance actually dipped his head down and rose under my hand. I laughed as I scratched him behind those pointed wolf ears.

"Good boy!"

He panted enthusiastically with his tongue hanging out, probably just playing along with me. I kept stroking his fur. This felt like pet therapy, one up and coming part of the psychiatric treatment of which I would be in dire need following the War.

"Lance, this might be stupid," I said, rubbing his belly, "but I've always wanted to ride on you when you're like this."

I suddenly got the other implication of what I just said.

"Well that didn't sound wrong."

To my surprise he started making an odd rumbling noise, his large shoulders shaking slightly. When I realized that he was laughing, I covered my blushing face and groaned.

That was when he hoisted me onto his back. I gave a slight gasp as his arms hooked around my legs.

"Lance, are you sure you don't want to rest more?"

I heard the tinkling sound of his earrings as he shook his head.

"…Thank you," I said softly, leaning against the nape of his neck.

Still as a werewolf, Lance piggybacked me around the school. I hardly noticed he had changed back along the way. He looked at me with a human face over his shoulder.

"Hey there," I said, smiling.

A soft warbling sound came from this throat. He stopped a moment in his journey to check on Rin and Shiro in the nurse's office. Seeing they were fine and snoring away, he kept going.

"I'm scared," I started to say. "Do we really have to fight Rin and Shiro? Are they going to die?"

I didn't know what Lance was thinking at the moment. Again, my first instinct was to take the isolation approach. If I distanced and steeled myself, perhaps the blow wouldn't be quite so hard. I shook my head.

"No, I won't think about that," I said. "We should be as happy for as long as possible."

But that was idealistic and wistful thinking. This War made me cynical no doubt, but I never lost sight of my morals. I hated death and killing more than anything else. All around me good people with family and friends and hopes and dreams dropped like flies. Surely there was a fair share of those with ill intentions who perished, but I had no right to put a value on their lives.

When I started to think harder about it, I realized that the only reason I was still alive was because of the kindness of others, or sheer luck in general. The first time was when Rin rescued me after I'd given up on everything, the second when Lance became my Servant and fought Rider. And then Saber had defeated Caster, and that poor schoolgirl had defended us from Saber at the cost of her life. There was Julius who also made the ultimate sacrifice against Assassin and sweet, sweet Gil as well. Shiro came during our battle with Berserker as a stroke of luck, a second Alter Servant with a preserved mind.

I'd gotten lucky. It felt that way with my innate healing abilities. Even though I actually learned how to use rune magic, most of the time it was me going into a trance and coming out with some crazy power that made a real difference. If I were to be easier on myself, I'd give myself credit for keeping my sanity. After all those people dying, all the fires, all the horror, here I was still in one piece. It amazed me.

I thought about the wish either Rin or I would make on the Grail. A rift of doubt could easily form between us due to our own personal desires. If we placed them above restoring the world, Rin could have her parents back and I could have Lance. Neither of us had a greater right to the wish, so the only way to decide on a victor would be to fight for it.

Eventually my thoughts slowed to a near halt. That bob that came with Lance's every step began to lull me asleep. I couldn't keep my eyes open. The transition from wakefulness to slumber was almost seamless.

The following morning I found myself in an infirmary cot with Rin and Shiro already up. Over breakfast she told me that she wanted to search with Shiro for Berserker's Master and confirm that they were dead. It was as the priest from the church said, only one Master could remain before the Grail would appear to grant their wish. And then she told me to go with Lance wherever I wanted. I got the feeling she was semi-conscious when I broke down thinking Lance had died.

I agreed, happy but reluctant. I wanted to spend time with Lance, but with a battle between me and Rin, Lance and Shiro, seeming inevitable, I wanted to make sure she was okay. She took her turn to use the distancing defense mechanism. I didn't chase, knowing that it would only make her pull back harder. Lance and I traveled to the oceanfront and sat on the pier, feet dangled over the edge, listening to frothy waves sloshing against the wooden support beams below.

Lance stared out at the view through blocked vision. I always wondered why Alter Servants were blinded like that. It seemed like a metaphor for their lost sanity. What would happen if I removed his visor?

"Lance, may I, um… May I see your eyes?" I asked.

He let out a disconsolate sigh, almost seeming dejected, embarrassed even, by being summoned in such a way. That was the feeling I got.

"There's no need to be ashamed," I said. "I know you aren't the person you usually are, but I think you're wonderful this way too."

Lance leaned in closer, expression unreadable. I took my chances.

"Lance… may I?"

And he nodded.

I pulled the visor away.

His eyes, his eyes were so beautiful, deep-set and hooded, slightly vacant but warm. I couldn't quite pinpoint their color as his irises seemed to shift between pale yellow and dark red depending on the angle. My mind blanked for a bit.

He looked at me like he couldn't see, though I knew otherwise.

"Lance, your eyes... I'm so glad I saw them."

I noticed that the sunlight seemed to bother him.

"Close your eyes for me, Lance?"

Lance did as I asked.

Without thinking I leaned in and kissed his lips, gently, timidly. When I started to pull away, he put his palm to the back of my head, eyes still shut, and kissed me back.

There was a flame being set alight in my heart. Emotions pounded through me. I got this light feeling in the legs and feet, like I would float away without a moment's notice. His mouth lingered upon mine, soft to the touch. I endeavored to engrave this moment into my mind, never wanting to forget it. It could have lasted a second or seasons. I held the kiss until I needed to take a breath.

As I inhaled deeply, Lance retrieved his visor and put it back on his face. I smiled in understanding.

"Too bright, huh?"

He reached out and caressed my cheek and nodded.

I placed a hand over his.

"Lance, I know I'm going to sound like a broken record, but I love you. I thought I lost you back there. I'd never be able to live with myself if I did."

He tilted his head to one side, as if reminding me that it was a question of "when" and not "if."

"It just... didn't suit you," I explained. "Not that you weren't brave or anything, just that I somehow imagined us parting on a peaceful, happy note."

Lance seemed to agree. For a moment I waited and then quickly pressed my lips to his cheek.

"Let's not think about it. I'm just happy I get to be with you now."

He put an arm around my shoulders, chin resting on my crown.

"That was my first kiss," I told him. "Thanks… for sharing it with me."

I began to sing a soft tune: "Umi wa hiroi na, okii na… Tsuki ga noboru shi, hi ga shizimu… Umi wa oonami, aoinami… Yurete doko made tsuzuku yara. Umi ni ofune o ukabasete… Itte mitaini yoso no kuni…"

Lance had been swaying in time to the melody. When I stopped, he looked at me with a grin.

"I can't sing for my life, you know," I said, a slight smile creeping up onto my lips when he disagreed by shaking his head. "Ah well, I think I'll stick to poetry."

After the rush of feelings from the kiss slowly calmed, I felt my eyelids begin to droop. Consecutively healing Rin, Shiro and Lance last night was taking a toll on me. I buried my head into Lance's chest. This could have been a dream come true only had it not been sandwiched between unforgiving nightmares. I didn't want to leave it now because as soon as I did, Lance would be gone for good. This dream was coming to a close, but until its very end I kept my face toward the long night where he waited for me.

"I don't want to wake up from this," I said softly as sleep pulled me under like the undertow of a boat in the ocean.

* * *

Aye, kind of short chapter for now, I might go back and add more when I'm not so tired. ; w ; Umm, any thoughts? xD Just wondering, sheer curiosity... The story's nearing its end. I'm going to be sad when it's done...

Translation for when Atosaki sings Umi (Sea), a traditional Japanese lullaby:

The ocean is wide, big  
The moon climbs from the ocean, the sun sets down to the ocean

The ocean is big waves, blue waves  
rocking, where will it end

We put the boat on the ocean  
We want to go to other countries


	18. XVIII - On the Edge of Forever

I hadn't realized it even happened, but when I awoke, head in Lance's lap, I discovered that the third segment of my Command Seal had appeared, a rectangle which enclosed the segmented line connected to a semicircle at its bottom. Something told me that I received it when Lance and I kissed. I held my hand close to my heart, reflecting upon the moment fondly.

He smiled down at me, shades of sunset creeping into the sky behind him. I sat up carefully and adjusted myself on the dock.

"Hey, Lance," I said, slow at first, trying to find the right way to phrase what I wanted to say. "I don't know if you know, but a while ago, I saw your, um, your past. Do you remember it at all?"

Lance nodded his head up and down a little, solemn.

"Okay. I wasn't sure. I dream about it a lot..." I pulled my knees to my chest and stared out. "I'm wondering... do you have any regrets?

The answer, to my surprise, was no. I think I'd made too many assumptions about what he wanted. Those things which had gone by he couldn't change, and perhaps, following that belief, he wasn't interested in that second chance at life I would wished he could have. There was just so much I wanted to learn about him, so much more time I wanted to spend by his side. As the War's end came closer, I felt I became more selfish. Even then, it sounded like my insecurity doing the talking.

"Lance, if it were possible, would you stay with me? I mean, even as everything continues on... Would it be okay with you to live a regular life and spend years by my side and grow older together? I just keep hoping that it could happen, but I never asked about how you feel."

He didn't stop to think, nodding vigorously. I smiled, my face feeling warm despite the blustery sea breeze passing by. Every time I thought about moving past this experience, this Grail War, I couldn't help but feel sad. The future sprawling ahead of me was a blank slate, and who knew what would happen. Living a normal life didn't seem possible after this. And yet I had no choice.

"Thank you, Lance, for everything." I scooted closer to him and leaned against his shoulder. "Thank you for loving me."

Lance pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I didn't want to let him go.

"Well, it's getting late. We should probably head back," I said anyway.

We stood and looked at the ocean for just a moment longer. This was probably the last time we'd see it during this War. After that, I had no idea when Lance would see it again. Certainly not by my side.

When Lance and I returned to Tsukumihara, Rin greeted us at the front gate, though without any warmth.

"We found what we think was Berserker's Master," she said matter-of-factly.

"What and was?"

"The zombies got to him pretty bad."

I lowered my head, counting out the Master and Servant pairs in my head. Rin conjectured that Gil had been a Master in his own right, although with no proper memories due to having split off from his Servant half.

"So it comes down to us," I said sadly.

"Yeah. That priest in the church said there can only be one Master and Servant left for the Grail to appear. Oh, forgot to tell you too…"

She lifted her hand, the back of it facing me. I saw a circular red marking on the skin: a Command Seal.

"You… you're an official Master now."

I must have sounded crestfallen, but she didn't seem to pay any mind.

"Probably got it during the last battle. I'm surprised you didn't notice. You're usually pretty astute."

"I've had a lot on my mind, that's all. Especially…"

Rin picked up where I left off.

"We should do this as soon as possible. The world isn't going to repair itself on its own."

"But…" I frowned and noticed that Shiro wasn't around.

"I told him that we have to fight you," Rin said, keenly reading my thoughts. "He's not happy."

"I'm not either! You're my best friend. I love you like a sister. How am I supposed to have Lance battle Shiro when you're both family?"

I looked at him, and he agreed with a firm nod.

"…Let's start now."

"What? Isn't that too soon?"

"No. There's nothing to wait for, nothing to think about. We'll fight and whoever... whoever wins will make the wish."

"I-I guess there's not really any other option." I gulped for no reason.

"Then Archer, I command you," she said loudly. "Attack the Lancer of Atosaki Kurokawa."

Before I could speak, an obsidian missile sparking with blood-red energy over Rin's head. Lance blocked it with his spear, but even then he was thrown into the ravaged streets outside the school, damaging the pavement ever more with his landing. I turned to Rin, incredulous.

"So Shiro's an Archer now?"

Fittingly enough, I found him positioned atop Tsukumihara's main building, a black metal bow held loosely in one hand at his side. It disappeared as he did. Suddenly he stood at Rin's side.

"This isn't fair," I said.

"What, that I'm trying to kill Lance… Lancer?" Rin asked.

"No. That the Grail War is forcing us to fight each other."

"That's what a war is Atosaki," she replied. "It's a battle to the death, not a friendly competition."

I tried to come up with something to say. I kept trying. Nothing came to mind. I drew a blank.

"Don't hesitate. I won't go easy on you."

"Rin, I…"

"Archer."

Under the influence of the Command Spell, Shiro called upon his twin swords and ran at Lance, who had no choice but to strike back with Gáe Bolg out of self-defense. Rin stared at me without emotion.

"I'll have Archer kill Lancer, and then you. It would be quicker if I killed you and have your Servant disappear by himself, but I think that seems kind of low."

My heart sank into my stomach. I watched as Shiro unleashed a barrage of attacks on Lance. He only guarded, but he could only keep that up for so long before he tired and met the two blades.

"What's wrong, Atosaki? Not going to give any orders?"

I grit my teeth, trying to think of something. I had a feeling that if Lance fought Shiro at full-power, he might be able to win. Then again, with that seven-layered shield of his, it was possible Shiro could block even Gáe Bolg.

Rin had her arms folded over her chest, scrutinizing the battle. The pointed end of Lance's weapon never once faced Shiro despite many close calls with those swords of his. A feint and slash with Shiro's black sword cut across Lance's cheek. The white one sliced across his side. Lance leapt backward, breathing heavily. It was torture to watch him suffer through this. I needed to act, but reasoning with Rin would be impossible. She always got this way when things had to get done.

"Rin. Give me just one minute to talk with Lance."

"…"

"Please."

"Fine. Archer, stand by for now."

I rushed over to Lance, finding him bleeding in multiple places.

"Are you alright?" I asked, and then went on. "I know… that no matter what, we'll never see each other again. So I guess this will be goodbye?"

He reached down and hugged me and held my hand. I kissed his cheek, healing the cut there.

"Time's ticking away," called Rin.

With a heavy heart, I pulled away from Lance, tears in my eyes.

"You don't want to fight Shiro, right?"

Lance considered this a moment before nodding slowly. He knew I'd never liked violence.

"Then I'll finish this quickly. Lance, truly, I'll never forget you. I love you."

I pulled away from him and walked to where Shiro was. He regarded me impassively, though I sensed his sorrow.

"What're you doing?" Rin asked, stepping closer.

Not answering, I took both of his hands and positioned them so that the swords he held crossed my throat. I felt my pulse trembling against the steel.

"Shiro," I said softly. "Rin."

"You're surrendering?!"

"I don't want to see anyone else die. Not you, not Lance, not Shiro."

"You damn martyr!"

"Oh, for God's sake Rin, calm down. It's not like we'll never see each other again."

Shiro faltered when I said that, prompting me to support his elbows and keep up the blades.

"I'm going to miss you, Shiro. I never got to find out what Heroic Spirit you are, but I'm sure you were a wonderful person."

"Stop being so sentimental!" screamed Rin from somewhere outside my peripheral vision. "You're making yourself too hard to… to…"

I smiled calmly, though I was literally shaking in my boots. "I'll tell you what it's like on the other side. It might be cool."

There was a lapse of silence.

"Rin?"

"…Shiro, I want you to…"

I squeezed my eyes shut and awaited the killing blow.

"…lower your swords."

"Eh?"

Shiro had no complaints about that. When I turned, I saw Rin with tears flooding down ruddy cheeks, lower lip quivering. She ran over and tackled me with a hug.

"I don't wanna do it! I can't take it!" she wailed. "I can't watch you die! Not you, please!"

"Rin…"

I seized her shoulders to hold her away so I could look into her eyes. Their deep aqua color met the commonplace dark brown of mine.

"It's okay. I can't force any of you to do something you don't want to."

I wasn't aware that I was looking at my Command Seals until Rin pointed it out.

"You're not actually thinking…"

I escaped Rin's weakened embrace and walked over to Lance. We shared a mutual understanding of the cost of war and the loss that followed it. Someone was going to die, another would disappear.

"I'm sorry, Lance," I said, trying to apologize for so many things in a single sentence.

He knew I was about to use a Command Spell, knew what I was going to say. Gáe Bolg disappeared from his hands and he shook his head furiously.

"I command you," I said, raising my left hand, "to kill me."

The binding magic was cast with a slight burning sensation as my Command Seal lost one stroke. Lance's spear rose into the air until his arms were pulled all the way back, pausing there, trembling. He kept shaking his head in an attempt to refuse or stop himself. It stayed up, the tip gleaming ominously in the rays of a fading sun.

"Atosaki…!" I heard Rin cry out.

I slowly lost my composure the longer I watched Gáe Bolg suspended there. My knees buckled. I balled my hand into a fist.

"L-Lancer, Servant of the spear, Heroic Spirit Cú Chulainn… I command you… to kill me, your Master, Atosaki Kurokawa."

With those words, Gáe Bolg came crashing down into my chest. Blood spewed from my mouth, clogging my throat, coating my tongue. I choked on the fluid, though I coughed up most of it upon hitting the ground. My healing went to work on fixing the damage and blocking the pain, but I knew that Gáe Bolg was a cursed spear that wouldn't fail to do its job. If anything, my death was only being delayed.

Lance threw himself over me, sobbing violently, soundlessly. I convulsed beneath him. Gently he removed his spear from my blood-soaked chest and stood up. He managed to give me a quivering smile. Then he turned the weapon on himself.

I gurgled out a scream as he crashed face-down next to me, bright red pooling around him. I didn't understand. I didn't know why, why would he do that, that stupid, stupid idiot. He struggled to look at me and touched my cheek. Then I understood his despair. I'd killed him with my actions. I wanted to speak, to say something, anything, but I kept gagging on blood and hyperventilating like crazy. Rin was standing over us next to Shiro, hands clutching each other. His blindfold looked damp. She screamed and wailed, but I couldn't hear a thing.

Weird noises sounded from my chest, like air being sucked from the wound. I wheezed as my lungs failed me. The one most vital organ had yet to stop. I didn't want to lose sight of Lance, but things started going dark. I was absolutely unable to think. My eyes watered and I blinked once to get rid of the tears before I closed them. Lance's fingers intertwined with mine. This loud, heavy drumming in my ears blocked out any and all noise. Even that faded out, until I heard nothing, not even the silence.

Black on black, the darkness was gone.

Everything was gone.

…

…

…

"Hey…"

…

…

"Hey you."

…

"You look so foolish, reaching for life that way."

…

"I've been watching you, Atosaki Kurokawa. You fought valiantly until the very end. I for one am impressed."

…?

"Oh, sorry. No, this isn't God. I'm the Holy Grail. Speaking of which, I could give myself to you right now, if you want. I'll just kill off Rin Tohsaka and that Emiya guy. Then I'll be all yours."

…!

"I wasn't pulling the strings or anything, you know. Well, not all of them. Anyway, I probably have enough power left to manage a little miracle."

…

"Even if you and Rin have the same wish, I know the true desire you hold in your heart. You want to save your Lancer, don't you?"

…

"He's already back in the Throne of Heroes, but taking him out is not so hard. Make him human like you wanted. Spend your lives together, like you've always wanted."

…

…

…

"Yeah, it wouldn't be fun if everyone is dead, but hey. Maybe you two could repopulate the earth."

…?!

"I see that's out of the question. Oh well. I only pushed it to see what you'd do. The last person who won my War wished to destroy me, even when he had so much more he wanted. Unfortunately, the magi who created me kind of gave me a panic button. I didn't really mean for it to happen. Your world and its people started dying with me. But I created this War so you could maybe restore them. Either way though I won't make it."

…

"It's okay. So long as Rin wishes to reverse the damage, things will go back to normal. Heck, I'll even help her with it if she's too vague. That is, assuming she makes the right wish. Though you're sure she will."

…

"You're going to miss Lance, I see. You really loved him a lot, huh? Love… What a strange thing. I don't get it, even now. It's silly, just a bunch of chemicals in your brains making a reaction. Still, somehow, it's comforting to think it exists in a world filled with evil. I'll keep this… this 'love' in mind when I go."

…

"I honestly have no idea what death is going to be like. Actually, it's more like oblivion. Nothingness for forever. I hope humans don't have to face such a thing. You wouldn't know though. I had to grab you before you made it over. I needed someone to talk to. I'm scared of disappearing."

…

"I have to leave soon. Rin is waiting. Just… sit tight. You'll be up and running before you know it."

…

"Lance wanted to say goodbye, you know. He says he loves you."

…

…

…

"Okay, I think I've said my part. Time to go. What do they say in your country, sayonara? Yeah, something like that."

…

"It was a pleasure conversing with you. First and last person I've talked to in ages."

…

…

"Farewell, Atosaki Kurokawa. You take care now."

…

…

…

…‼


	19. XIX - No Matter What

I woke up screaming for Lance.

My voice reverberated thickly off the walls and ceilings of an empty chapel room before dwindling into silence, absolute silence. I jumped to my feet, chest heaving, and merely stood there a moment. Although the initial panic had yet to pass, I recognized my surroundings as being the interior of Fuyuki Church, only in far better condition compared to the last time I visited it. I remembered this was the place I first saw Lance.

I seated myself back down on the wooden pew and cradled my head in my hands, remembering Lance and our final moments together. I'd done something terrible to him. I'd driven him to the worst and saddest end possible. The moment he did what he did burned like an iron in the back of my mind, festering like an open wound. I couldn't forgive myself. If only I hadn't been such a fool. If only I considered the gravity of my actions. I forced him into it because of some stupid, selfish ideal, but I never expected—never even thought—that it would take that kind of toll on him.

Now he was gone. His absence left me alone with guilt. The last Command Seal which should have been on my hand had disappeared as well. I couldn't even apologize; I couldn't tell him how sorry I was, that I would never hurt him like that ever again. No, I didn't just hurt him, I killed him. He died because of me. He didn't just disappear like he should have, he died.

Tears started streaking down my face and I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed and sobbed and it was pathetic. Crying didn't solve anything. Nothing I said would bring him back to me. Nothing I did could change the past. The world was saved, yet here I was regretting my actions. Yes, I botched it up at the end, but I had no way of making amends for that besides moving on. I only hoped that Lance did not resent me. There was nowhere for me to go but forward.

I lifted my face to the light, cheeks dappled by sunbeams. Cicadas buzzed monotonously outside. My eyes searched the other benches as if I would find Lance seated there. I looked to the back of the room, finding the doors slightly ajar. I got up and made my way outside. The bright day nearly blinded me, but I strained against it. From atop the church hill I could see most of New City and, ever so faintly, the distant ocean.

With that, I started down the beaten dirt path, walking slowly on unsteady legs before breaking into a full sprint, as if I were fleeing from my mistakes. Being so reckless, I slipped on a particularly uneven stone near the hill's rocky base and ended up falling, knees scraped up in the process. A few drops of blood beaded on the skin and, to my abject horror, I saw that I wasn't healing. Anxiety swept over me at the thought of having lost my magic. That despair deepened into fear when an attempt at using rune magic failed to yield any results. The last gift Lance gave me was gone. What I had left of him was all in my head and in my heart.

Once I rose, shaking myself free of any lingering soil particles, I noticed I was wearing the same chiffon sundress from the day the War started. It started feeling like those days that passed were merely a coma dream, nightmarish and vivid, like I'd simply drifted off in the church. But no, I believed it all happened.

Rin would surely remember. She'd probably ended up back at her house, though judging from where I ended up being revived, she could have ended up anywhere. I took comfort in just knowing she was safe. She made the right wish. We were saved. Even so, I felt lost. I felt sad and sentimental and terribly nostalgic. I kept thinking about Lance, but the more I did the more I lost hope. I decided I needed to be rational. I would take a more practical approach and either go home or find Rin.

Once I finally stumbled into the streets, I got the feeling they were alright. Everyone had returned to their daily lives. The city bustled with a cacophony of engines and voices. People roamed the sidewalks, some carrying briefcases and talking on cellphones, others simply meandering. No more dead bodies, no more decay—total normalcy. It actually started overwhelming me, so I poked into a random café to get my bearings.

Its interior was cozy and unfilled, except for a red-headed boy mopping the floor. He looked at me with a smile.

"Hi, can I get you something?"

He had an honest and open face. Somehow he seemed familiar, but I didn't quite know how.

"Uhh, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to know the time."

He pointed to an analog clock mounted on the wall over a long, wide counter.

"Half past three."

"And the date?"

"Uh, pretty sure it's July 16th."

Either this was the same day the world ended, or the next day after Rin made the wish. I'd completely lost track of time, so I wouldn't really know.

"Okay, thanks, that's just what I needed," I said, bowing politely before I turned to leave.

"Hey," the boy said slowly, like a great revelation had just dawned on him. "I recognize you."

"You do?" I asked, spinning back around, mystified.

"Yeah, I think. Do you live in the northern end of Miyama Town?"

"Yes," I replied, though I hadn't been expecting such a mundane follow-up question.

"I've definitely seen you around. My house is on the same street."

"O-oh. I'm rather new to this place, so I don't know which one is yours..."

"It's the Emiya residence. Just to let you know, in case you ever need anything."

Emiya. That was the name the Grail had used for Shiro. I tried to cover up my surprise.

"Thanks for letting me know. I'm Atosaki, by the way. Atosaki Kurokawa."

"Shirou Emiya."

My eyes went wide.

"As in the color white?" The question simply slid out.

"Oh, no... Supposedly the meaning is 'fourth son.' Although I'm adopted and all I have is a younger sister."

It seemed so coincidental. Then again, the teenage boy in front of me hardly resembled the tall, tan and built Servant I knew.

"Nice to meet you, Shirou."

"Same h—"

"Big brother!"

A young girl wearing a purple blouse with a lilac skirt poked her head in through the door.

Shirou looked surprised, but grinned nonetheless. "Illya! What are you doing here?"

"Mom and Dad called just now," she said. "They're coming back from their business trip!"

Shirou's face lit up as the light-haired girl skipped over.

"Who's this?" she asked him when she noticed me. "Your girlfriend?"

"Aha, no," I said gently. "I'm a new neighbor, that's all. So you're Shirou's sister?"

"Yep. Illyasviel von Einzbern at your service," she said with a little curtsy.

"This is Atosaki," said Shirou.

"You don't have the same last names," I said, though this was obvious.

"Mom and Dad debated it a ton," explained Illya. "This is what they decided on. I'd have Mom's maiden name and Shirou could have Dad's last name."

"Crazy, huh?" he said, laughing.

"Not at all," I said. "It sounds like you have a wonderful family."

"You betcha," chirped Illya.

I managed to giggle a bit. "We'll have to talk more soon. I-I'm looking for someone right now…"

Namely Rin. Not Lance, I convinced myself.

"No problem," Shirou said. "Anything we can do to help?"

"I should be fine on my own. Thanks, though. See you two around."

I left the café after we said our goodbyes. So that was what a normal conversation sounded like, free from the customarily disheartening heaviness I'd grown so accustomed to during the War. It all felt so distant, like someone else's life, not mine. Perhaps they were two separate people, the post-apocalyptic Master Atosaki and me, plain old me, who didn't have a lot of goals in life. What a scary difference.

I traversed the city slowly, brain beyond addled. My mind turned from looking for Lance to going home. He wouldn't be anywhere here. I couldn't imagine it. It hurt too much to hope, so I simply turned my eyes down and followed the crowds. I lost myself there. I didn't have to be anyone or have a past. Perhaps I never became a war combatant. Perhaps my parents had never died. Perhaps I was not a damaged person.

Seeing Shirou and his little sister, I decided it was time to start making repairs, slowly. I returned home, taking about an hour to get there on foot. Everything was the same. I lived in a customary traditional Japanese house, which had apparently belonged to a group of monks who turned it over to my parents before leaving on a long pilgrimage. The front gate, the wooden floors and the rice paper screens, they were all there. I walked inside, feeling like a stranger in my own home.

And then I saw them in the dining room, having an afternoon snack: my mom and dad. Apparently they'd taken the day off from work, and I couldn't be happier.

My father was one of the nicest guys I knew, with a great sense of humor, occasionally joking about using a spiked club to threaten future boyfriends. He looked young for a middle-aged man, despite that balding spot on the back of his head. Mom had a beautiful face and full, chin-length black hair threaded through with a few strands of silver. She and Dad were like day and night; her assertiveness balanced out his quiet nature. Their intellect and love of gourmet food made them a great match.

I never thought I'd see them again. I remembered when they simply vanished from my side as we ran from the falling, fiery skies. Tears rolled down my cheeks and plopped almost audibly on the tatami mat floor. Mom and Dad looked up from their bowls of miso soup, smiling before they noticed me crying.

"Atosaki, what's wrong?" my mother asked, slightly taken aback.

Dad frowned in concern. "Did something happen?"

I wiped at my eyes frantically. "N-no, I just… it's been a rough day. So… I'm glad to be home."

"Aww, sweetie…"

My dad stood at the same time as my mom and they walked over to hug me. I thought I was going to burst with emotion. I never thought I'd miss being in their arms this much. Their just being there comforted me.

Once I calmed down a bit, I got to have some of Mom's home cooking, which got me tearing up again. I hid it the best I could, since I didn't want to worry my parents too much. We watched some television afterwards, just sitting on the living room couch together. There was this weird news report about some bargain store owner raving about a nudist who stole from the outside clothing racks. My parents laughed, and I couldn't help myself either.

Later, Mom asked me if I was up to going to the waterfront to get some fresh fish. Another hour's walk, or a shorter trip via taxi, but I was thinking more about Lance, and our favorite spot was over there. I decided to go for old times' sake. Before hailing a ride I went to Rin's house, but apparently no one was home. I came prepared with a letter which included a short note and my address. I left it in the mailbox for her to find. Hopefully she'd be back later.

Reaching the other side of the city was easy by cab. I promptly purchased a pound and a half of fish before visiting the docks (just for the halibut). This was a moment of reconciliation with the present, as well as one of emotional healing. Seeing the same waters we saw that day together, remembering the warmth I felt from him, I knew I'd never fully get over Lance. I just needed the strength to move forward, but to never forget—to cherish those memories without regrets.

I was having a hard time of letting go, those final moments haunting me more than anything else. I stared up at the sky and looked for him there. It was steeped in gradated hues ranging from blazing gold to an indigo verging on black. All I saw were those colors, setting brilliantly on the first day of the rest of my life.

"I'm sorry, Lance," I said out loud. "I hope you can forgive me. I will always love you no matter what. No matter what."

My words stole out on invisible wings to be carried off by the ocean breeze, and perhaps they would reach him, somehow.

I had faith in that.

"…Oi, you there, move it!"

I instinctively squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore the voice of a young man who quite unceremoniously broke my peace. His flippant tone irked me to no end. He obviously had no sense of common courtesy, or politeness for that matter, and at the moment I didn't have a lot of patience.

Then I felt someone walk up right next to me.

"You're in my spot," the man said, ever so matter-of-factly.

I didn't even look at him as I replied.

"Excuse me, but does there happen to be a sign which designates this space as yours?"

"No, but if you don't get up now there might be trouble. And look at me when you're talking."

I snapped my head around to glare up at him.

"Who exactly do you think you ar—?"

The last few words got stuck in my throat. I choked up when I found the man's face. His eyes struck me first. They were a dark reddish-brown with expressive pupils. Then it was those handsome features I'd never forget. A pair of ovoid silver earrings dangled from his ears. He had his hair long at the back, tied in a ponytail, and cut short on top with a few rebellious strands hanging down. The color was the same as the deep blue sea.

"Lance, that's who," he answered with a suppressed grin.

I didn't say anything as I launched myself at him full-force, nearly knocking him over.

"Wh-whoa," I heard his voice say.

"Oh my _God_…" I murmured into the man's shirtfront, unable to quite register this in my mind. "Lance?"

I pulled away to stare at his face again. He smiled at me and stroked my hair.

"Hey, Atosaki."

A few weak noises escaped me. Finally I gave up on saying anything and just kissed his lips. Lance's arms encircled my frame and held me close.

"Lance," I whispered on the exhale of my next breath. "Oh my God, Lance…"

He only hugged me tighter, his forehead resting against mine. He seemed to be at a loss for words.

"I never thought I'd see you again," I said. "I still can't believe… But now I can say… I'm sorry…"

"…I'm sorry too. But you don't need to apologize," he said before kissing my cheek. "It's like you said, 'I will always love you no matter what.'"

I sought his face for the third time now. It was really him, _my_ Lance. I started crying before I knew it, tears of joy.

"Lance, Lance I love you."

"I love you too," he affirmed, looking directly at me.

What I always wanted to hear from him. I covered my gaping mouth with trembling hands.

"I'm glad," I murmured. "So glad… you're here."

"Me too," said Lance, placing both hands on my shoulders. "I guess miracles do happen."

The Grail must have pulled this off. I still couldn't believe it. I'd been shown such kindness, and for that I was grateful, more grateful than anyone would ever know.

"You…"

I finally noticed his outfit: a yellow t-shirt with green cargo capris. He wasn't wearing shoes either. And then I saw the still-attached tags on each article of clothing.

"Don't tell me…" I stifled a fit of giggles. "Were you dropped off here naked?"

He might have been blushing, but with the roseate sunset light it was hard to tell.

"Maybe."

"Your armor's gone then… What about Gáe Bolg…?"

Lance held a hand out to his side and in an instant a red spear materialized from out of nowhere. He gave me a capricious wink before it disappeared.

I finally laughed out loud, and I found him chuckling along with me.

"Lance, I'm so happy," I told him, taking hold of his hands. I didn't know how else to express it.

He gave me a solemn look.

"I wanted to tell you that no matter where you are, should you call for me, I will come to you. I would travel to the ends of the earth just to be by your side."

I blinked a few times, dumbfounded.

"Maybe Rin's right… Definitely a womanizer."

"Eh?! What did you call me?"

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Just kidding! …But really, Lance, thank you so, so much for everything. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being you. You're all I could ever ask for." I paused then asked shyly, "Will you come home with me?"

"Getting to meet the in-laws? Oh boy, I dunno."

"Nah, you have nothing to worry about."

"Of course," he said sarcastically, and then softened. "And of course… I want to be wherever you are. Lead the way."

I picked up my packet of halibut with one hand and held Lance's with the other as we began to walk.

"…Lance, I love you," I said once more.

"I love you too."

* * *

; w ;)/ I hope you liked the ending. This marks the close of _Fate x autoRAIN_. It's been a long journey with my first fanfiction, but I think it was totally worth it. Thank you for coming this far into the story, you have no idea how happy it makes me.

OH BUTT WEIGHT there's more! Secret twentieth chapter coming up. Thanks again for staying with me this entire time and putting up with my slow-as-molasses updates. You're awesome!


	20. XX - Epilogue for a Shining Tomorrow

I present to you the twentieth chapter, which I swear I didn't forget about by accident. Thank you to everyone who left reviews, you make me smile. ^^ I actually had a dream early on where autoRAIN had 25 reviews and here we are. ; w ; Thanks again, and I hope to see you at another story.

* * *

If anyone ever asked me to recall the meeting between Lance and my parents, I'd describe it as kind of funny and kind of awkward, kind of weird and kind of beautiful. Really, introducing an ordinary boyfriend to them would've been hard enough, but no, there I was with a reincarnated hero from Irish mythology. Quite the tall order.

"Mom, Dad, this is Lance."

He had been greeted by scrutinizing gazes.

"Lance Sétanta," he added with a surname of his choice, extending a hand to shake each of theirs. "It's a pleasure meeting you both, Mr. and Mrs. Kurokawa."

"The pleasure is all ours," Mom replied. She acted friendly with him at least.

Dad observed Lance's face. "You must be a foreigner, but your Japanese is very good."

Of course. The Grail basically implanted the language in his brain.

"Lance studied it before moving here from Ireland, you see," I told them. "U-unfortunately, his luggage and money and ID were lost along the way, with no way of retrieving them. He doesn't even have family to help him, so I was wondering…"

Dad quirked an eyebrow. "…If we can open up rooms like before? I'm… not sure about that. Those guests were paying rent."

"I'll help him find a job! He won't be a freeloader, I swear!"

"How long have you known him?" Mom asked, unsure as well.

I faltered, with no good lies at my disposal. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Their expressions didn't look promising. Lance's blue hair, newly purchased Hawaiian shirt and (p)leather pants probably left a strange impression on them.

Lance, who'd remained quiet since his introduction, suddenly dropped down on one knee and put a hand to his heart.

"I made a promise that I'd protect Atosaki no matter what. I vow never to hurt her or allow her to be harmed. I swear upon my honor that I shall love your daughter so long as she will have me."

Silence. Maybe that was a little too much.

Then Dad burst out into raucous laughter.

"I like you, son. I like you a real lot. But you're staying at the far end of the house where I can keep my eye on you, got that?"

"Y-yes sir," was all he could manage.

Lance and I shared many good laughs about that one. Rin hardly believed me when I told her I pulled it off. She'd offered to let him stay at her house if it was absolutely necessary, but I informed her that I had my ways. She was probably thankful though, since she kept pointing out how much of a womanizing player he looked, like she would never let him live it down.

"I'm watching you," Rin said to him. "If I ever catch you doing wrong, so help me I'll…"

He grinned in reply. "Same old Rin, huh."

She smiled back. "I hope you weren't expecting anything different."

Every week from that day on both Rin and I always met up for drinks at the local bubble tea shop. We talked about random things like the best new anime and trending fashion and whatever else came up during our daily lives. I was glad we could keep being friends. I actually ended up introducing her to Shirou Emiya, who she actually recognized as a student one grade below her in school. Once she started senior year, she regularly ate lunch with him and they became pretty close. I never told her about my Shiro theory because I think she'd take me as crazy.

And crazily enough, finding Lance a steady job was quite the ordeal. Without any credentials, most places were wary of hiring him. He finally ended up working at the local florist's shop, which I found almost ironic considering our first "date" at the garden. One day when I stopped by to check on him, he took out Gáe Bolg while no one was looking and cut up a nice bouquet for me.

"Don't get yourself fired," I said sternly, still blushing about the flowers.

He held that one down, but the profit was poor and he really wanted to prove himself to my parents. So he got a second job as a barista at the café where Shirou worked. Those two developed an odd relationship. Shirou seemed skittish around Lance at first, almost to the point where I thought Lance had said something to him before or threatened him with his spear or something. Turned out Shirou was just a shy kid overall, probably intimidated by Lance's considerable presence. They could chat up a storm about the weirdest guy things any day.

Eventually Lance accumulated enough money to buy something he had been eyeing for a long while: a fishing pole. I went with him often to the same dock which had become so special to us. He tried his hand at this new hobby but for some reason caught nothing but octopus. He didn't seem to mind one way or the other though and had fun regardless. I smiled every time I got to see his smiling face.

A month or two passed when Julius and his brother showed up at my doorstep. I was overjoyed, having wanted to locate them, but I hadn't the means of doing so. He introduced me to Leo, stoic as ever, but finally cracked a smile upon seeing Lance. The Harway brothers began to stay at the Ryuudou Temple, finally escaping the bad influence of the shady family business. A bit before they arrived, Rin and I had found the Tsukumihara student who saved us from Saber. We thanked her, and Rin offhandedly asked what it was like being dead. With a laugh, the girl told us she didn't remember.

One day a vacationer from Ireland turned up and took great interest in Lance for some reason. He told me she claimed that he reminded her of her childhood hero and that she had the same earrings as him. I trusted Lance enough not to make a big deal out of this, but the way it sounded like she gushed over him made me kind of jealous. I spotted her sometime during the week touring Fuyuki. She stood out amongst everyone else, with magenta hair, a nice figure and sizeable bust. With the same exact earrings as Lance. Maybe it was time for me to start worrying.

I decided to make the first move and introduced myself to the foreigner, who actually spoke Japanese well. Her name was Bazett, and she was part of some intergovernmental peace association, something akin to the United Nations. She came to Japan for a job and dropped by Fuyuki to visit someone she knew who worked at the church. Bazett seemed nice enough, if not a little on the serious side, but just to be safe I casually dropped in some hints about me being Lance's girlfriend. I ran into her a few times after that, she and Lance talked once or twice more, and then she departed for home. Luckily everything went on without a hitch.

As Lance gained some good reputation around the city, he started a third job as a waiter. That was fine by me, but then he took up a late-night fourth as a janitor at the high school. By this point I worried he was overworking himself because he often came home looking tired. I found him sleeping on the couch on more than one occasion, as if he didn't have the energy to make it into bed. When the holiday season arrived, this became increasingly common, until I found out the reason behind his actions.

He'd been saving to buy me a ring. Not just any ring, a ring which resembled the one he pointed out during the War, with a ruby as a center stone and diamond accents. Of course it wasn't quite as expensive, but it was beautiful nonetheless. It fit perfectly too, so I guessed he'd taken another article of my jewelry for sizing. I couldn't stop thanking him, and then I told him to take better care of himself, and then I wore the ring everyday wherever I went. (Dad started freaking out when he thought Lance had proposed to me.)

Life progressed in an orderly fashion, though not without its trials and tribulations. Lance got in trouble for fighting with the neighbor's dog, but eventually they made peace. Speaking of dog, I tried and tried to forget the hot dog incident, but it was just so strange that it was hard not to remember. I never thought I'd hear Lance scream that much about a piece of food. Another thing was Lance's odd predilection for nicotine patches. He liked slapping them on and sitting somewhere and just vegetating. Sometimes I would watch him out of boredom without him noticing, not creepy at all.

That was my world for the moment. I couldn't have asked for anything more. The fact Lance even became a part of my regular life made me a viable candidate for "luckiest girl who ever lived." The War grew distant, as did the apocalypse. It seemed like a scary nightmare, but I knew I'd lived through the entire thing. Once in a while I dreamt about Gil, so vividly it seemed like that kid was really there talking to me and laughing about silly things. He told me that he was always wishing for my happiness, and I believed I had found it.

This life of mine, which intertwined with those of so many others, approached what I believed could be called near-perfection. It seemed almost contrived at times, but who was I to complain? As Lance and I sat by the ocean on our dock, I started drawing a few conclusions based on what the War showed me. Dreams were meant to be chased. Sometimes they came true, and sometimes they didn't, but if one were to simply stay in bed with them, nothing would ever be accomplished. I found something to fight for. Even if I fell down a lot in the battle, even if it hurt until the point I wanted to give up, I had to stand and live, because only I had the power to fulfill my own obligations. In the end, it would be worth it.

Absolutely worth it. Lance lifted my right hand, his gift twinkling on the ring finger. He smiled and leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"What're you thinking about?" he asked.

"Now? How to answer your question," I replied.

Lance laughed. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"No… I was just thinking through the past months. It's almost been a year since then."

"Yeah. Time flies, huh?"

I nodded. "But I'm so happy about every moment I spent with you and everyone else."

"We'll have even more happy memories," he said. "I can promise you that."

His hand sought mine. I looked up at him, into the eyes of the man I loved, and I said it again, those special words.

"Lance, I love you."

He grinned at me before he responded.

"Love you too, Atosaki."


End file.
